Of Then and Now.

Who I Am Hates Who I've Been

2010-03-31T13:41:00.000+08:00

I watched the proverbial sunrise
Coming up over the Pacific and
You might think I'm losing my mind,
But I will shy away from the specifics...

'cause I don't want you to know where I am
'cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

[Pre-Chorus]
Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.
See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there. Well I never should have said
That it's the very moment that
I wish that I could take back.

[Chorus]
I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

I talk to absolutely no one.
Couldn't keep to myself enough.
And the things bottled inside have finally begun
To create so much pressure that I'll soon blow up.

I heard the reverberating footsteps
Synching up to the beating of my heart,
And I was positive that unless I got myself together,
I would watch me fall apart.

And I can't let that happen again
'cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

[Pre-Chorus x2]
[Chorus]

Who I am hates who I've been
And who I am will take the second chance you gave me.
Who I am hates who I've been
'cause who I've been only ever made me...

So sorry for the person I became.
So sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

Best in the world,

2010-01-07T01:58:00.008+08:00

Speeches won't be made today, clocks will carry on.

Flowers won't be left in parks, work will still be done.

People won't be dressed in clack, babies will be born.
No flags will fly, the sun will rise,
But we know that you are gone.

You who love to love and believed we can never give enough

It wakes me every single night, thinking through the day;
Did you stop at any time, have doubts at any stage?
Were you calm or were you numb, or happy just to get it done?
I've lived my life without regret until today.

You who love to love and believed we can never give enough

I didn't get to say goodbye the day before the day,
Was trying to get to work on time, that's why I turned away.
And missed the most important thing you've ever tried to say;
I've lived my life without regret until today.

You who love to love and believed we can never give enough,
And you who hoped that underneath we all felt the same,
That was until the day before the day.

And I pray and I hope in all sincerity that you are well, know that I keep you in prayer as frequently as I can remember. That I know not of each and every turn of event, but know that at the end, if I am no longer still here for you, He will be. That at least until that day, may He, if willing, continue to let you find a purpose in me. That He, if willing, will continue to let me find a purpose, in you. In so many nights I have been kept awake thinking of the same things and gratefully submitting them once and over, that I have no where else to turn to, and for that I thank God. For right now, after all this while, after all that has happened, no matter how seemingly long or short,

Know that I still do.

That I still keep, that copy in my book.

Dear friend, you are greatly missed.

Echo

2009-12-02T01:28:00.004+08:00

Everyday I learn and experience and re-learn and re-experience, and reaffirm, and reaffirm.

This base Hope feels different, it does not change and is still there, as I progress and regress,

Its something within me, but its not from me.

a little bit of too little, too late.

2009-11-14T20:09:00.003+08:00

We all have a weakness
But some of ours are easy to identify.
Look me in the eye and ask for forgiveness;
We'll make a pact to never speak that word again
Yes you are my friend.

We all have something that digs at us,
At least we dig each other
So when weakness turns my ego up
I know you'll count on the me from yesterday

If I turn into another
Dig me up from under what is covering
The better part of me
Sing this song
Remind me that we'll always have each other
When everything else is gone.

We all have a sickness
That cleverly attaches and multiplies
No matter how we try.

We all have someone that digs at us,
At least we dig each other
So when sickness turns my ego up
I know you'll act as a clever medicine.

If I turn into another
Dig me up from under what is covering
The better part of me.
Sing this song!
Remind me that we'll always have each other
When everything else is gone.

Oh each other....
When everything else is gone.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, ohh
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh

If I turn into another
Dig me up from under what is covering
The better part of me.
Sing this song!
Remind me that we'll always have each other
When everything else is gone.

Oh each other....
When everything else is gone.
Oh each other....
When everything else is gone.

to think that i could have sang this song for you.

sigh,

make or break.

Epic Song

2009-11-11T23:25:00.001+08:00

To see you when I wake up
Is a gift I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold, Utopian dream.

You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said "I miss you"?

I see your picture.
I smell your skin on
The empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days,
But already I'm wasting away.
I know I'll see you again
Whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care,
And I miss you.

Incubus - I Miss You

Confession

2009-10-11T01:54:00.002+08:00

And I wished that night would last forever, without the drink yet with her closeness, and I cannot hide from myself any much longer, dear.

Night

2009-10-05T01:18:00.002+08:00

Has gotten to me again once more, can't sleep for nuts so thank God i'm at home at least. If i was in my bunk i would be lying in bed looking at the ceiling fan and listening to my bunk mates snoring. That being said, 3 WEEKS OF OFF IS HERE! WOOOOLOOLOOLOOLOO.

Listening to Maroon 5's nothing lasts forever, the dude's voice sounds nice at first, but after a while it sounds like someone singing whilst having their nose pinched. Nasal must be sexy in some parts of the world.

Great weekend, great moments with great friends and all, don't feel like elaborating much now so maybe will do so in the future. (which probably means i won't. HAHA). Just not in the right mood manzxczxczxczxc. Tonight is weird because its the first of many nights where i'm not in camp and now my company is reduced to half strength! Hope the guys inside are doing okay, there really is nothing to do in camp nowadays.

Tmrw will be going for dim sum with favian geraldine and maybe lizard, feels like old times again, which is pretty awesome. now that most of them can drive, which is awesome as well; convenient much! Won't be surprised if gera does something stupid again, good times, good times. HAHA.

Alright, maybe ill post again later if i still can't sleep, the maroon 5 guy is getting quite irritating by now.

Ah well. Done all i'm supposed to do, hand it over to You.

The Ugly Truth

2009-09-27T00:06:00.005+08:00

Alright, jamming today was pretty good, still a little raw due to the lack of practice but at least we finished up on a new song on the spot, so it wasn't too bad.

Caught the ugly truth today with the gang (HAHA), have no idea how long since I last saw them, but the movie was surprisingly quite good. Its just the type of standard underrated chick flick that I needed to fulfill my very conflicted attention span with, so yeah do catch it, not bad not bad! It made me learn that you can also call a certain something "the bean". HAHAHA.

Kinda weird to see YY bald, but in a good way. Its one of those things you have to see to believe. HAHA. Now that nearly all of them have more or less enlisted, except for patrick, who has enlisted but is not bald, sadly. Hahaha. Its good to touch base with all of them again! Will be looking forward to seeing Hy when he books out next week, oh man, the last time I saw him bald was like in sec2 when they had to all shave due to some crazy basketball oath.

Allllright other than that today was pretty good, have no idea why I've been having the motivational need to comment upon how my day went nowadays but yeah, maybe its just a phase. Church tomorrow! Hope I don't fall asleep during sermon. Again.

Insomnia mania

2009-09-25T17:11:00.002+08:00

Today was pretty bad, just came home from the company cohesion thing, seriously man, nothing to say. I guess black lips was in a really bad mood or something. Other than that this week in camp has been mundane to say the least, waking up at eleven, going for lunch, going back to bunk and sleeping till dinner. Its literally eat, sleep, shit, repeat. Thank God I still go for my nightly runs so I don't feel so wasted. Its so weird, finally going to ORD and the lifestyle that we all have been looking forward to for the past year and a half, is boring us to death. Time flies, less than a month more only! Woooo.

Anyway, yesterday saw me breaking the record for not sleeping once more, was playing cards/looking at my bunk mates playing cards while doodling on my book till about 2.20 am. After which they went to bed and pretty much everyone fell asleep rather quickly, except me.

Wah cannot take it, laid in bed and stared at the ceiling all the way till morning. When I started hearing the 3 Guards people downstairs making all kinds of noise, I knew the night was pretty much over. For the record I stayed awake from the previous day till 7 plus the next morn, I think I have some issues man. Just can't stop thinking about the same damn thing over and over again, and I haven't had proper sleep since then. If anyone saw my Doodle book, I think they'd be pretty freaked out too.

Finally going jamming again tomorrow with the full band, quite excited, been a while since joey joined us. Heard from them that they want to sign up for some competition, which I really don't like, I honestly think that there is nothing to prove man. Oh well.

Feeling super tired on top of everything, but I know i won't sleep until tonight because I always valued time outside camp, too precious to waste on sleep! Then again, other than jamming tmrw, there isn't much else for me to do, so I am once again in a conundrum. How tragic.

When one has too much time,

Time consumes him.

And he goes back and forth,

Like waves in the sea.

Never stopping, but,

Never really moving at all.

GRAND OPENING OPENING

2009-09-22T17:20:00.006+08:00

okay im serious in starting to blog again now, too many things happening and too little outlets

my army life will be coming to an end soon, its cool and all but deep down inside i know i will miss it when it's over. its only natural, humans hate change even if change is a good thing in the long run. what am i going to do with so much time on my hands? contemplate and write poetry i guess. my goodness i sound like a loser.

with so many things happening in the past year or two im really just too lazy to write down even the gist of it, so here's the bare minimum;

in oct last year i went to aussie for overseas exercise for 5 weeks, then april this year went to taiwan for 3 weeks for the same purpose, blah blah very tough at times, miss my home and loved ones, getting wet dreams because we didnt wank etc., all in all very good experiences.

recently not doing much in camp just finished my very very last activity for my nsf stint, and now it is just one more guard duty and im off to enjoy my offffffffffffffffffffff, my 6-25 oct offfffffffffffffffffffffff, where i come back for the last week for ord party and then start my most privileged civilian conversion course. ORD LOH~!

just got my drumset yesterday, stoked to the bone to the core to the heavens and back, mapex M birch 6 piece with 10 (YES 10) cymbals all from Sabian Xs20 and double peds. muffled it and now i can play and my parents are appeased and that was the best thing that happened to me. well, one of the best things anyway. heh heh.

wrote a new poem! finally after countless millenia, can say that it came from MY HEARTZzXcZxcXc. check it out on my poems www.sadsaddespair.blogspot.com my emo bobo url!

i will try to update regularly from now on, if not i really will choke on words and thoughts again.

awesome!

2009-03-06T18:51:00.002+08:00

http://allmyfriendsaremetal.blogspot.com/

hey man ive moved.

the metal song in the background and the yucky skin i dont know how to change man.

for the concern of whomever still visits. heh heh.

2008-09-23T17:49:00.005+08:00

hey what happened to these guy's faces?

hahaha just kidding. Slipknot recently released a new album and in my honest opinion, i think this song of theirs, Psychosocial, is really not bad. (based on my acquired taste for metal that is, i know i can easily name of a bunch of people who think i listen to music that sounds like a tranny giving birth)

i think corey taylor's (the vocalist) new mask is really funny though, he looks like an octopus with short hair.

2008-09-20T23:37:00.007+08:00

exercise sea hawk outfield support was FULL OF SHIT.

the lim chu kang jungle was so hot while we set up the target boards i had to take off my no.4 uniform which resulted in thousands of mosquito BITES.

i forgot to shit during the previous weekend and the moment i reached outfield the irrevocable shit feeling came and i had to go in to the foresty areas to SHIT.

the moment i take off my pants i haven;t even squat down 20 mosquitos come bite my ASS.

the moment my shit came out of my ass hole it havent even drop on the ground 20 flies come land on my SHIT. AND MY ASS.

it was so sandy and there was so much dust when i dug my nose my nose shit was BROWN.

saw a shooting star for the first time in my entire life but it was not with a girl but with fellow unbathed dust covered stinking coy mates while lying on sharp painful rocks with no shelter under the stars trying to sleep on a freaking hill of pointy rocks and it was freaking cold and i was holding in my 3 day's SHIT.

saw a shooting star for the first time and in the end the wish i made was that i wish that the shit feeling will go away so i dont have to keep thinking about HOLDING IN MY SHIT.

3rd guards infantry seemed invulnerable to our sar21 and machine gun fire can one whole section run into mg fire and can tear apart concertina wire with bare hands without even taking cover just because shooting blanks and use white tape to act as con wire then we go there be enemy and shoot FOR FARK.

do so much sai kang had to even get off the tonner to push away a fallen TREE and the snipers that shared our tonner think they big fark just because perfect eyesight and can hum ji shoot people from far far away so can be so STUCK UP.

go back to camp finally can bathe and use proper toilet in the end when i sit down the shit NEVER COME OUT. and now i am freaking CONSTIPATED. because of all the combat rations.

go back home and I STILL CANT SHIT ANYTHING OUT.

im going to take mc on wednesday.

2008-09-14T21:00:00.003+08:00

THE FORSAKEN

        THE peace which others seek they find;
       The heaviest storms not longest last;
       Heaven grants even to the guiltiest mind
       An amnesty for what is past;
       When will my sentence be reversed?
       I only pray to know the worst;
       And wish as if my heart would burst.

       O weary struggle! silent years
       Tell seemingly no doubtful tale;
       And yet they leave it short, and fears                      10
       And hopes are strong and will prevail.
       My calmest faith escapes not pain;
       And, feeling that the hope is vain,
       I think that he will come again.
                                                           1804.

2008-09-01T00:22:00.002+08:00

dear Lord,

i hope you will for this once look past any transgression or sin to hear me,
and i pray that you will take good care of my sister during her stay in Beijing.
she means a lot to me, and i see so much of her faith in you,
she has always been the spiritual role model that i can never seem to be.
please take care of her there, as the place is foreign, and so is the culture, and people.
i have many more worries to address, but, i pray that you will also hear of those that i cannot put into words.

i love her very much, and so do you i'm sure,
may you be by her side always.

2008-08-24T22:33:00.005+08:00

my sis will be flying of to Beijing to further her tcm course next sunday,
im sure gonna miss her!
i hope during her two years there she doesnt come back with a china accent and bad breath because she tells me the people there dont really brush their teeth at all.

or come back with a china boyfriend.

ZHA MEN YAO JIE HUN LE!
MAO ZE DONG!

i think i will just die.

hope they let me book in on monday so i can see her off on sun too.

freeze without an answer,
free from all the shame.
then I'll hide.
cause I'll never,
never sleep alone.

2008-08-22T23:02:00.003+08:00

man, the past week in camp has been slow and painful.
i sprained my neck on the first day during close combat training due to some f-ed up insane neck training routine and generally my joints are now less well oiled due to all the locks and throws and take downs and what not for the whole damn week. then they threw in soc training on tuesday, wednesday and thank goodness it rained today or today as well. abrasions everywhere and theres army half marathon on sunday and ippt on tuesday wthhhh.

i really feel sorry for our sergeants and officers going through guards conversion course now, i really do. every night kena tekan until so jialat then only have 10 mins to lights out afterwards, still have to bathe and pack tmrw's stuff and do their own stuff. they really damn poor thing. 400 counts of 4 jumping jacks and leg lifts and other insane pt every night before bed and leopard crawling from the track back to coy line is simply sadistic. i saw their elbows they were raw and oozing pus. siao man. today it rained so heavily and i still saw them running in sbo around the camp and maybe they even did soc anyway. the brc officer is seriously nuts. which reminds me, the new batch of sergeants just got posted in to our company and this damn guai lan guy from my bmt got posted in to be our sergeant. talk about a bad week. but its alright, they look so puny and new, confirm kena bullied by my coy. woohoo! cant wait to see them get through GCC.

and the worst news of all,
joey wants to cover 'That's what you get' by Paramore on sunday.
i hate paramore.
wthhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

2008-08-14T15:27:00.001+08:00

I think I’ve become like one of the others
I think I’ve become like one of the others
I think I’ve become like one of the others

There was a frail syrup dripping off
His lap danced lapel, punctuated by her
Decrepit prowl she washed down the hatching
Gizzard soft as a mane of needles
His orifice icicles hemorrhaged
By combing her torso to a pile
Perspired the trophy shelves made room for his collapse
She was a mink handjob in sarcophagus heels

Bring me to my knees
Read the sharpened lines
All my arms
Bled me blind

Faucet leaks in shadows
Spilling from morgue lancet
Caressed your fontanelle

I've sworn to kill
Every last one
Every last one

Panic in the shakes of the wounded
Panic in the worms
Onto the floor
And out of your mouth
Out of your eyelids

No there’s no light
In the darkest of your furthest reaches
No there’s no light
In the darkest of your furthest reaches

All your dreams
splintered off
Leech by leech
On this catafalque

Anyone will tell you
Yes anyone
Chance had me setting a trip wire alarm

Your mother flirted with disease
When she skinned that costume by it’s navel strings

Panic in the shakes of the wounded
Panic in the worms
Onto the floor
And out of your mouth
Out of your eyelids

No there’s no light
In the darkest of your furthest reaches
No there’s no light
In the darkest of your furthest reaches
No there’s no light
In the darkest of your furthest reaches
No there’s no light
In the darkest of your furthest reaches

Shockless shackles free you
Fools taste tongues
I better leave you again,
I won't be owned
Not this time

Shock lest shackles free you
Volt face cons
abandon you again
I won’t feel not this time

Brick by brick
the night eclipsed
Pricked by cuticle thorns
Dried the sleep
on nursery slits
Into this life I’m born

Heaven's just a scab away
I'd like to see you after just one taste

Sink your teeth into the flesh of midnight
Night forever more
let them see it has begun
The others I’ve become

If you should see the dice
Charmed with it’s snaked choked eyes
You’ll wear the widows weeds
Because they’re just your size

Behind the snail secretion
Leaves a dry heave that absorbs
a limbless procreation
let the infant crawled deformed

A bag replace the breath
of these suffocating sheets
and now when the craving calls
I'll scratch my itchy teeth

And soon
Come on
if you don't know...
Come on
if you dont know

Sink your teeth into
the flesh of midnight
Night forever more
Sink your teeth into
the flesh of midnight
Night forever more

She fell for the whispers
Sister flooded deaf tears
that night tore a river
in her baron womb mirror

And his multiple sons
with their mandible tongues
set crucified fires to petrified homes
let it burn

And the owls they were watching
and the owls did't care
then the owls came a knocking
placenta in their stares

They will feed on all the carnage
leftover from the flood
and in the corner of their eyes
fled sister L'Via

Now the pieces went floating
reflecting all at dusk
conceived from the stabbing
was Vismund Cygnus

25 wives in the lake tonight
raw bark in the water of the marble shrine
25 snakes pour out your eyes
yeah the icepicks comming on the marble shrine
25 snakes are drowning

You cant bend your crooked arms
or fold your punctured proof
the air is growing cold
and there's nothing you can do

Soon there'll be no gauze
inside the confessional
only rows of crows
defrocking every breath

And one day you'll remember
behind the melting cones
I said one day you'll remember
behind the melting cones
you've already had a family
in the burial of your home

Not forevermore

And I peel back all of my skin
peel it back let it all run

Brick by brick
the night eclipsed
Pricked by cuticle thorns
Dried the sleep
on nursery slits
Into this life I’m born

Heaven's just a scab away
I'd like to see you after just one taste

Sink your teeth into the flesh of midnight
Night forever more
let them see it has begun
The others I’ve become

No there’s no light
In the darkest of your furthest reaches
No there’s no light
In the darkest of your furthest reaches
No there’s no light
In the darkest of your furthest reaches
No there’s no light
In the darkest of your furthest reaches

No there's no light
No there's no time
You Ain't Got Nothing
Your life was just a lie

Cassandra Gemini - The Mars Volta

blue eyed problem

2008-08-12T12:35:00.003+08:00

IM NOT DEAD!

loooong time since i last updated hahaha sorry people, ive just been really busy.
well, ndp is over and i cant get any happier, no more saturday burns and screwed up manual/hard labour of carrying boxes/cartons and gallons of water tumblers, pouring cups of water for legionsLEGIONS of hellish pri5 kids that are to stupid to fill up their own water bottles, and getting scolded by every single warrent officer in charge just because they were pissed at something else and we just happened to be there. im enjoying my one week off now and its awesome. staying at home, waking up late.. these are the finest things in life.

anyway, i figured i should give a quick update of what ive did (asides from ndp) in my ns time so far as a Guardsman. so here goes:

guards conversion:

6/8/10/12 km FBO timed fast march
0.5/1/1.5/2km swim pt
2km coastal swim
jungle navigational exercise
tower rappelling
cliff rappelling
heli-rappelling
guards assault course (!@#$!@#! worst time of my life) :
4day3night field camp with manymany turnouts in the tekong jungle
20km route march + 6 km march carrying tubby (a 180kg tonner wheel) to east coast beach
beach pt (crawl in the sand, fbo push up in the sand, run in the sand, everything in the sand, until SHIOK)
march back to camp and do fbo australian rappelling at guards tower
push 3 lighstrike vehicles around parade square with sergeants stepping half brake

and we did everything starting from the route march to pushing the vehicles from 7pm on that day till 10.30am on the next. immediately after our hell field camp too. FEEL THE SHIOK!

lightstrike conversion:
lightstrike underslung training
vehicle prep & rigging for underslung
lightstrike navigational exercise (drove the vehicle all around singapore was at amk s11 coffeeshop at one point hahaha!)
lighstrike underslung exercise (you should see the chinhook helicopter lifting 3 lightstrike vehicles at once. awesome.)

so far ive sat in various helicopters; superpumas and chinhooks. they are DAMN noisy. especially the chinhooks. the scariest had to be jumping out of them, my balls really shrank to peanuts. but it was okay after the first few jumps! australian rappelling was a bitch too, rappelling with your face down is no joke.

i guess thats the major things that i accomplished in my time in ns so far, i still have this year's summex of exercise wallaby in australia come mid october. and im really really really NOT looking forward to 29 days in their damn outback desert.

on another note, i met up with 06a03 people yest at holland V! really good to see them alive and well HAHAHA. im glad not much has changed in the aspect of us still being pretty close! and that my planned gathering went quite well i think, right a03? heh. most of them still looked the same except a few, nat became like some buff daddy, i think the next time i see him he's gonna be like the chinese 50 cent alr. lizard got damn skinny, she looks like some druggie with her messy hair but she's still pretty much the same. and geraldine, geraldine turned into a piece of charcoal!

we had dinner at cha cha cha, some mexican joint there, the food was not too bad! a few left and the rest of us just chilled at starbucks. overall a very good day! any day not spent in camp is an awesome day. well i think thats all for now,
till the next post! (which very well may be next year HAHAHAHAHA)

2008-05-10T20:58:00.004+08:00

WHAT THE FARK,

GUARDS CONVERSION COURSE IS CRAZY.

12 MN (lights out at 2200):

"TURN OUT! TURN OUT! TURN OUT! TURN OUTTTT!" (x 9999 times)

"YOU ALL HAVE 10 MINUTES TO FARKING CHANGE INTO FBO AND FALL IN RIGHT NOW WAKE THE FARK UP CHAO CHEE BY$."

"WHY THE FARK ARE YOU ALL SO SLOW, WHOLE LOT KNOCK IT DOWN!"

"WHY YOU WEAR YOUR FIELD AND PACK KNOCK IT DOWN, SHAG CANNOT THINK IZZIT? NEVER MIND, WHOLE LOT EVERYONE FIELD PACK ON, AND KNOCK IT DOWN!"

"KNOCK IT DOWN!"

"RECOVER"

"KNOCK IT DOWN!"

"RECOVER!"

"KNOCK IT DOWN!"

"CHEE BY$ YOU ALL ARE FARKING SLOW UNDERSTAND? YOU ALL BETTER FARKING BE FASTER UNDERSTAND?"

"I GIVE YOU ALL 1 MINUTE EVERYTHING OUT NOW!"

"K@NINA TAKE YOUR TIME RIGHT? NEVERMIND EVERYTHING IN!"

"EVERYTHING OUT!"
"EVERYTHING IN!"
"EVERYTHING OUT!"
"EVERYTHING IN"

"WHOLE LOT EVERYTHING ON, YOU ALL BETTER HURRY THE FARKING HELL UP"
"FALL IN AND FOLLOW MY PACE, I WANT ALL OF YOU TO FARKING SING AT THE TOP OF YOUR VOICE AS YOU MARCH (the march was more of a run), I WANT THE WHOLE GUARDS CAMP TO KNOW THAT LIGHTSTRIKE IS GETTING TURN OUT"

reached a training shack around 200m from coy building:

"I HAVE 6 STRETCHERS HERE, EACH OF THEM HAVE 3 FULL JERRY CANS STRAP ON TOP (one jerry can is 20 kg), FOUR MAN TO A STRETCHER MOVE."

the stretcher IS FARKING CHEE HAI HEAVY LIKE SHIT IS REALLY GG OWNAGE BBQ HEAVY

as we ran in fbo + strecher:

song woes:

"WHAT THE FARK! WHERE THE FARK IS MY SONG? I THOUGHT I FARKING SAID TO SING AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS"

"YOU FARKING CALL THAT SINGING? K@NINA SING LOUDER!"

stretcher woes:

"THOSE WITH THE STRETCHER, GETTING SLOWER AND SLOWER RIGHT? NEVER MIND, WHOLE LOT STRETCHER OVERHEAD."

I FARKING SAID WHOLE LOT STRETCHER OVERHEAD RIGHT YOU ALL BETTER PUT IT OVER YOUR HEAD I DONT WANT ANY PART OF THE STRETCHER TO TOUCH YOUR HELMET UNDERSTAND?"

okay fine that was when i groaned like a little girl but HEY i was one of the unlucky ones carrying the damn stretcher at that point of time and its really damn heavy and WHO DOES SUCH THINGS WHEN WE WERE ALL HALFWAY SLEEPING. anyway,

fast march woes:

someone behind me:

"sergeant, i feel like vomiting.."

sergeant:

"VOMIT LAH! VOMIT AND CARRY ON."

after 2 big rounds around the camp (approx 4km):

"whole lot put everything down. all of you drink up. anyone not feeling well? anyone want to fall out? "

"no?"

"okay,

whole lot everything on. we go for one more round."

after many little girl cries and moans from all of us, when everything was finally over, at around 1.30am:

"everyone take your things and go up, i give you 8 minutes to change into shorts, take your towel soap and powder and fall in outside the bathroom."

wash parade woes:

"now all of you go into the bathroom and take everything off."
(ive never seen so many kukuberds in the same place in my life before.)

"i give you all 30 seconds to wet yourselves now."

"times up. now i give you all 15 seconds to soap up"

"now, i give you all one minute to wash the soap off, you all better farking work together, when times up i want to see no one still showering."

then a sergeant comes into the washroom, takes a hose and starts hosing the rest down.

sergeant: "eh, those ah no space to shower here also can ah." (he waters us like plants it was DAMN DAMN funny)

okay that was about all of the turnout, after that they made us powder down and sent us back into our bunks to sleep by which no one could fall asleep after all that SHIT. that was about 2 am. the next day we woke at 6 and immediately had Guards pt in place of 5BX. awesome.

seriously man, turnouts are the WORST thing ive ever experience so far. although now that i come to think of it its actually damn funny, but it sure as hell wasnt when it was happening to me. and its never a first and last thing. we're all predicting sunday night. woooohoooooo.

what a hell of a start to guards conversion man.

2008-03-29T01:13:00.009+08:00

chao cheese bun.

one week in guards camp, found out that we are still guardsmen, so have to undergo guards conversion course in may.
5 weeks of pure hell to go through in may.

well,
at least there are 2 uber woozoot things that ill be getting once i pass the course:

Guards Tag

Khaki Beret

honestly, these are the only two things thats keeping me looking ahead to get through my gcc. i dont know how it is to others but to me, being given the chance to earn the khaki beret and to be able to wear the guards tag is really a big freaking achievement man. freaking pride lah seriously, being called a guardsman. i hope all goes well, ill just try to push myself.

Heres an excerpt from Wikipedia about the Guards Conversion Course:

"To achieve such high standards, trainees are put through some of the most rigorous training within the Singapore Armed Forces. To be worthy of adorning the much sought-after "Guards" shoulder tab and the Khaki beret, trainees have to go through the gruelling Guards Officers Conversion Course for officers and Guards Specialist Conversion Course for Specialists. The men go through the Guards Advanced Continuation Training (GACT) to earn their mark as Guardsmen^[5]. These conversion courses signify the conversion from regular infantry to the elite Guardsmen and push every soldier physically and mentally to the limit. Only those who qualify will be given the right to be called a "Guardsman", wearing the coveted khaki beret.

Part of the conversion requires the soldier to undergo a timed 12 km fast march, a 2 km coastal swim and an advanced obstacle course known as the Guards Assault Course (GAC). The GAC is a team course that requires the group of soldiers to swim 50 meters, to climb a high tower, rappel down a tower and complete a 5 km run with a standard SAF obstacle course and carry an "injured" teammate on a stretcher for the last 1.5 kilometers. The entire course is done in full battle order (FBO) with packs packed with sandbags to reach the required weight requirement. Guardsmen are also required to maintain a strict physical fitness regime throughout their careers.

The Guards are trained to be inserted and extracted from the combat zone by helicopter, hence the term "heliborne". They can do this either by rapid disembarkation while the helicopter is landing, or by "rappelling" (descending by rope while the helicopter hovers) and fast roping straight into battle zones, or onto rooftops^[5]. As a nice landing area may not always be available, the Guards have to master many kinds of rappelling from cliffs and buildings^[6]."

READY TO STRIKE.

2008-03-22T22:57:00.003+08:00

okay i got more info about my vocation, its not guards but its within the guards camp. there is a chance if we perform well that the PC will shortlist us to undergo the guards conversion course to become a guardsman. LOL, i have absolutely no idea why they think that to be a good thing (the GCC is hell, trust me).

Anyway, that there above is the light strike vehicle, which is what i will be spending the rest of my days in NS driving in. going to have to learn how to drive it and also how to man the damn machine gun mounted on top. i heard its inter-changeable for a rocket assault battery or something.

awesome.

2008-03-20T03:21:00.010+08:00

POP LOH!

now i spam the pictures from the passing out parade ceremony:

Here are pics from the reception for all the company bests (best PT, best recruit, etc.) :

omg that took freaking long to upload, im never uploading so many photos in one shot again. oh and, it was raining when we had our parade, talk about bad timing. was quite cooling though. kept us awake while all the speeches carried on.

anyway, bmt was really good fun, great people, awesome life experiences and so much more. let's hope that my future vocation will not be too bad, and ill persevere on through it.

2008-03-09T19:34:00.002+08:00

And now,

I know so much more.

in what context though, thats for you to guess.

kiss and make up, indeed.

Army Mercy

2008-03-09T00:40:00.004+08:00

Dear Lord,

Thank You for taking me through all the things that i could not have done alone.
Thank You for hearing my constant desperate pleas for strength and perseverance and wisdom and mercy throughout my field camp throughout the times where the pressure almost cracks me apart, where sometimes i get so tired and weary that i am tempted to fall out.
Thank You for helping me avoid temptation.
Thank You for giving me the strength to complete my 24 km route march when my field pack literally becomes a very heavy burden.
Thank You so much for not letting the rain fall during my 6 day field camp, and only raining upon the last day of my sit test.
Thank You for hearing my prayer to excel during my live range, and excelling to great lengths.
Thank You for showing me the power of a sincere prayer, throughout all my prayers.

And now i have learned so much more, experienced so much more and realized so much as well, i cant thank you enough for being made to enlist in such a service in itself, that i may learn that life is truly meaningless if there was no trial or hardship. I have really learned so much more, treasured so much more.

I just wanted to thank You.

2008-01-26T23:29:00.000+08:00

"K@NINA YOU ALL!"

"THIS IS THE FU*KING ARMY!"

the funniest two phrases i have ever heard in army so far,
we just cant get enough of the vulgarities

wearing nothing but your helmet and your underwear and leopard crawling as a group towards the next bunk is the sexxxxx

"K@NINA YOU ALL!"

2008-01-10T03:55:00.001+08:00

Ecclesiastes 1

Everything Is Meaningless

1 The words of the Teacher, ^[a] son of David, king in Jerusalem:

2 "Meaningless! Meaningless!"
says the Teacher.
"Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless."

3 What does man gain from all his labor
at which he toils under the sun?

4 Generations come and generations go,
but the earth remains forever.

5 The sun rises and the sun sets,
and hurries back to where it rises.

6 The wind blows to the south
and turns to the north;
round and round it goes,
ever returning on its course.

7 All streams flow into the sea,
yet the sea is never full.
To the place the streams come from,
there they return again.

8 All things are wearisome,
more than one can say.
The eye never has enough of seeing,
nor the ear its fill of hearing.

9 What has been will be again,
what has been done will be done again;
there is nothing new under the sun.

10 Is there anything of which one can say,
"Look! This is something new"?
It was here already, long ago;
it was here before our time.

11 There is no remembrance of men of old,
and even those who are yet to come
will not be remembered
by those who follow.

Wisdom Is Meaningless

12 I, the Teacher, was king over Israel in Jerusalem. 13 I devoted myself to study and to explore by wisdom all that is done under heaven. What a heavy burden God has laid on men! 14 I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

15 What is twisted cannot be straightened;
what is lacking cannot be counted.

16 I thought to myself, "Look, I have grown and increased in wisdom more than anyone who has ruled over Jerusalem before me; I have experienced much of wisdom and knowledge." 17 Then I applied myself to the understanding of wisdom, and also of madness and folly, but I learned that this, too, is a chasing after the wind.

18 For with much wisdom comes much sorrow;
the more knowledge, the more grief.

Ecclesiastes 2

Pleasures Are Meaningless

1 I thought in my heart, "Come now, I will test you with pleasure to find out what is good." But that also proved to be meaningless. 2 "Laughter," I said, "is foolish. And what does pleasure accomplish?" 3 I tried cheering myself with wine, and embracing folly—my mind still guiding me with wisdom. I wanted to see what was worthwhile for men to do under heaven during the few days of their lives.

4 I undertook great projects: I built houses for myself and planted vineyards. 5 I made gardens and parks and planted all kinds of fruit trees in them. 6 I made reservoirs to water groves of flourishing trees. 7 I bought male and female slaves and had other slaves who were born in my house. I also owned more herds and flocks than anyone in Jerusalem before me. 8 I amassed silver and gold for myself, and the treasure of kings and provinces. I acquired men and women singers, and a harem ^[a] as well—the delights of the heart of man. 9 I became greater by far than anyone in Jerusalem before me. In all this my wisdom stayed with me.

10 I denied myself nothing my eyes desired;
I refused my heart no pleasure.
My heart took delight in all my work,
and this was the reward for all my labor.

11 Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done
and what I had toiled to achieve,
everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind;
nothing was gained under the sun.

Wisdom and Folly Are Meaningless

12 Then I turned my thoughts to consider wisdom,
and also madness and folly.
What more can the king's successor do
than what has already been done?

13 I saw that wisdom is better than folly,
just as light is better than darkness.

14 The wise man has eyes in his head,
while the fool walks in the darkness;
but I came to realize
that the same fate overtakes them both.

15 Then I thought in my heart,
"The fate of the fool will overtake me also.
What then do I gain by being wise?"
I said in my heart,
"This too is meaningless."

16 For the wise man, like the fool, will not be long remembered;
in days to come both will be forgotten.
Like the fool, the wise man too must die!

Toil Is Meaningless

17 So I hated life, because the work that is done under the sun was grievous to me. All of it is meaningless, a chasing after the wind. 18 I hated all the things I had toiled for under the sun, because I must leave them to the one who comes after me. 19 And who knows whether he will be a wise man or a fool? Yet he will have control over all the work into which I have poured my effort and skill under the sun. This too is meaningless. 20 So my heart began to despair over all my toilsome labor under the sun. 21 For a man may do his work with wisdom, knowledge and skill, and then he must leave all he owns to someone who has not worked for it. This too is meaningless and a great misfortune. 22 What does a man get for all the toil and anxious striving with which he labors under the sun? 23 All his days his work is pain and grief; even at night his mind does not rest. This too is meaningless.

24 A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, 25 for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment? 26 To the man who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

2007-12-11T21:43:00.000+08:00

i came across this interesting article whilst typing "how long can a person not poo?" (just so you dont think me a sick weirdo, i frequent Google to research on anything and everything a lot, and i mean ANYTHING). And i saw this very interesting poll question, it goes like this:

The longest you've been constipated is:

One day or less. Nothing can stop my ass.
Two to four days. It was a minor inconvenience.
Five days to a week. I've had some poo issues.
One to three weeks. Those turds wouldn't budge.

and i saw some really interesting answers, and some really gross ones too.

here are the more okay ones:

Poop Shooter (596) -- 09.09.2006

A couple 2-4 days is normal for me. Unless I get to drinking too much beer of coffee. I have very rarley had a problem taking a dump. I guess I'm lucky. I think my body like to build up a good log before dispersing it.

Also, any who answered 3 weeks - month has to be lyling. Your shit would come out of your mouth by then and you would probably be dead!

Betty Poop (29) -- 09.11.2006

the longest i was constipated was only one time. my mom and i were on our way back from germany and we got laid over for three hours. plus the plane air and the lack of water were contributing factors. when we got to our hotel, i was in horrid pain. but luckily by the next day all was good and right in my bowels. now i poop at least once a day, and keep a bottle of water with me at all times.
drink more liquids!

shitwit (302) -- 09.11.2006

I think the longest I've gone without a dump was 4 days. It's happened twice as far as I know. Once while pregnant, and once while on antibiotics. But it wasn't too bad. I just didn't have the urge to go for a few days. But when I did get the urge again I think I made up for it by shitting several times a day until things were back to normal.

poopfreak (not verified) -- 05.14.2007

i was afraid to poop as a child. Now i'm all about the dumping. The last time I was constipated was for three days, I ate about 1000 jellybeans.

here are some weirder ones:

healthy 1 (1428) -- 09.10.2006

The longest I have been constipated, 19 months, no shit. Every time I went, it was like steel. IBS and mental stress will block a person up in a hurry, not to mention, all those hard turds led to one hell of a case of hemmorhoids.

healthy 1 (1428) -- 09.10.2006

Yeah, I would average about four poops a week (laxative assisted). I also had the occasional case of gastroenteritis to blow things out, and I mean blow things out. No fun shitting until my ass was raw, and throwing up at the same time. I'll get into my ordeal with hemmorhoids soon.

Nine Inch Log (336) -- 09.11.2006

When I had my stroke, I could not poo for over a week. The really scary part was when I would start throwing up everything that I ate and after a
few days I swear I was pooing from my mouth.

jmtdough (not verified) -- 06.17.2007

never had this crap problem before. havent gone in 12 days, no bloating, no pain. so i have to take a laxative. very weird. also, if and when i do go, they are snake shits! weird new shape. went to the doc, need to have a colonoscopy....she must be ruling out colon cancer or something. anyone else like this?

Colton (not verified) -- 02.11.2007

I've been constipated for over two weeks now and I can't take a shit! I don't even have the urge! so, I will be going to the doctors tomorrow. Damn, I sure hope my colon isn't infested with worms!

here are the really icky ones:

turd turdgutson (10) -- 09.10.2006 One to three weeks. Routinely. And then, when it comes, it's like someone's opened the gates of hell, and the most powerful, vile gas and liqui-shit comes blasting out, usually decorating the inside of the bowl with brownish butt water and oftentimes causing me to feel lightheaded and dizzy and out of breath. This will usually happen over the course of several episodes, lasting one to three days, with lots of gas pressure and bloating the entire time.. Then its back to being bone-dry constipated again, with only the occasional and welcome Lincoln Log to break up the monotony.

The Shit Volcano (3275) -- 09.10.2006 I've gone for ten days straight without shitting. This was during one of my many filming/writing trips during the summer. I was dehydrated for a few days and when the damn shit finally did come out it was thick, hard, and painful. I filled the toilet bowl with blood from my ripped asshole two days in a row!

This Sucks (not verified) -- 07.13.2007

Right now for about 2 days I havent taken a real poo. I found out that the medicine im taking has a adverse side affect of constipation. When i further investigated i had a dried huge plug ball of poo all trying to come out at one time and every time it hurts more and more that i tried. Ive started chipping away at it trying to get it out and now going to CVS to find some tools and medicine to get the damn thing out because it fucking hurts.

constantlyconst... (3) -- 07.17.2007

this may sound hard to believe, but its 100% true. i've gone months without pooping. every time i have to go i just cross my legs and hold it. eventually, ill be really miserable and ill take some exlax and it comes out. these poops are too big to flush ive actually used a grocery bag and pulled it out of the toilet, then taken it directly to the trashcan. i think not im done with the constipation phase, ive been regular for about a month now. but im pretty sure ive spent like 90% of my life completely constipated.

DOOKEYMASTER (not verified) -- 11.18.2007

I have a spinal cord injury, and I take a lot of painkillers that bind me up pretty good, normally I poop about once a week and it is normally pretty hard poo, I will pop about three stimulant laxatives and usually about 12 hours later I will give birth to a bloody mess of hard to sloppy poop.And I always have to plunge the toilet due to so much crap in the toilet.

CrapInMyHead (not verified) -- 11.26.2007

I've had constipation for around a month. I ended up laying all day on the couch, my stomach was all swollen so I couldnt move freely without extreme pain. I ended up shitting all over my couch though, which was a huge relief, probably the best anal orgasm in my life. But it was a bit messy. Thats what you get for eating Burger King every day for a year. Well, dont try it at home.

And this one, my gawd,
this one is the mother:

DigitalTrauma (not verified) -- 06.28.2007

Its common for me to only poop every 2 to 3 days, but the worst constipation I ever had lasted around 6 or 7 days. (This was probably due to a high protien/low carb diet I have been on.) Those last couple of days I was curled up in a ball feeling the pain. I couldn't even sleep the last night because of the agony. I couldn't stop thinking about all of the food I had eaten since my last dump and how it was all still inside of me. When I finally felt the urge to go after 6 or 7 days, I pushed and I pushed until I felt like I was going to rip open, but nothing had come out. I was ready to give up, so I reached back there to wipe just in case something slipped out undetected. On the first wipe I discovered a baseball sized lump of dried shit was partially out of my ass and was lodged in there stretching my sphinchter beyond belief. It crumbled a little bit like dirt when I wiped it, but for the most part it wasn't going anywhere. I wrapped a new piece of tp around my index finger and traced around the protrusion to get a better idea of the size. It had to be over 3 inches in diameter! I began to chip away at it a bit, then with a new handful of tp I squeezed it and it broke in half and crumbled into the toilet. Unfortunately, the other half was still plugging up my painfully stretched A-hole. I then recovered my index finger with tp and began to chip away at the sides of the mud plug. Finally I was able to push the rest out all in one cupcake shaped turd, creating a ceremonial splash. It took about 2 hours, 1/2 a roll of Charmin Ultra, 3 wet wipes and 4 flushes to finish the job. As I was thoroughly washing my hands, I felt the urge to go again. I barely had a chance to sit down before several waves of burning hot bloody diarrhea shot out of my injured anus, violently splashing the toilet bowl. After another round of wiping, flushing, and cleaning I was finally able to go to sleep for the first time in 40+ hours. All was back to normal after that except for the lingering pain and of course the trauma of the experience!

PLEASE! EVERYONE WHO IS READING THIS, ALWAYS CLEAN YOUR BOWELS REGULARLY OMG YOU DONT WANT TO HAVE A VERY BAD DAY IN THE TOILET AND THEN WHEN YOU LOOK INTO THE TOILET BOWL ITS RED INSTEAD OF BROWN.

YUCK!

2007-12-10T23:17:00.001+08:00

Strange things happen all around the world,
but tonight, is certainly the strangest yet.

The following message was intercepted through a very heavily encrypted manuscript:

yiyng says:
PAT LOVES LALAL PAT LOVES LALAL
Silv3r` ish goin to be qs says:
LOL
Silv3r` ish goin to be qs says:
wad's LALAL?
junwei blue moon bliss says:
WTF IS YY SAYING
junwei blue moon bliss says:
OMG
yiyng says:
SECRET AGAIN
junwei blue moon bliss says:
MY BRAIN IS INCAPACITATED
yiyng says:
OMG
yiyng says:
this world is filled with SECRET.
Silv3r` ish goin to be qs says:
jw u muz haf faith
yiyng says:
if you realise
yiyng says:
the LALAL
yiyng says:
is 5 letter
yiyng says:
OH MY
yiyng says:
ANOTHER SECRET.
Silv3r` ish goin to be qs says:
wif him den u will understand
life, go easy on me says:
LOL
life, go easy on me says:
WHO
yiyng says:
: )
yiyng says:
lifes got UPS and DOWNS.
yiyng says:
OH MY GOD
yiyng says:
GOT SO MANY S.
yiyng says:
OKIE

No one knows exactly what was said in this seemingly heinous dialog of mystery, this yiyng, and what he/she/it could potentially be conversing.

Till now,
No one knows, or can decipher, what it truly means.

2007-12-09T01:52:00.000+08:00

Ut sit magna, tamen certe lenta ira deorum est,
Ut sementem feceris, ita metes.

Cuivis dolori remedium est patientia.

Vulnerant omnes, ultima necat.

2007-11-23T19:47:00.000+08:00

Lamb of God - Ruin

LOL LOOK AT THE PEOPLE'S FACE

2007-11-22T01:56:00.000+08:00

You sit there in your heartache
Waiting on some beautiful boy to
To save you from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch him now, here he comes

He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman
Like you imagined when you were young

Can we climb this mountain I don’t know
Higher now than ever before I
Know we can make it if we take it slow
Let’s take it easy, easy now, watch it go

We’re burning down the highway skyline
On the back of a hurricane that started turning
When you were young
When you were young

And sometimes you close your eyes
And see the place where you used to live
When you were young

They say the devils water it ain’t so sweet
You don’t have to drink right now
But you can dip your feet
Every once in a little while

You sit there in your heartache
Waiting on some beautiful boy to
To save you from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch him now, here he come

He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman
Like you imagined when you were young

(Talks like a gentleman
Like you imagined when) when you were young

I said he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus
He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus

But more than you’ll ever know,

2007-11-17T04:05:00.001+08:00

and throughout the night, you in your slumber,
i never closed the conversation.

2007-11-16T02:56:00.000+08:00

A burden occurs when God stands there and folds his arms and raises an eyebrow because He knows He is supposed to be carrying that big lug you are puking your guts over but you know because you screwed up so bad that you can't bear to hand it over to him without tripping over a few other people in the process.

A punishment or wrath occurs when, what He could have provided for you, ultimately becomes the very one thing you obsess over, and you watch, and watch ever so dearly, as your own damned mistake leads to the slipping away of the very one thing you find out that you wanted all along.

A repercussion or consequence occurs when after all of the above has happened, you realize that you are still stuck with your very own impediment of foolishness or rashness, and you know you got to do something about it soon, and the worlds of hurt that has to be involved if you want to make things right,

And thus God still standing right there, arms folded and a slightly raised eyebrow.

"You sure you don't need any help?"

2007-10-31T21:08:00.000+08:00

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

2007-10-28T18:36:00.000+08:00

LIFE

has definitely been busier nowadays, ironically not because of the upcoming A's (which is in two days), but due to lots of meetings and planning and preparation at Beautyful Minds. but it certainly is a breath of fresh air compared to being busy mugging, its just one of the things i cannot do or live down i guess. i'd much rather be working hard doing this then studying and not getting much in return in the long run (IMO). anyway, to those working hard for their A levels, rock on and keep working hard, this is the final lap of the 2.4 km run already haha. i know i gave up running it quite a while ago but most of you guys should have a steady momentum already, keep going!

i wouldnt mind at all doing this for a long long time in my life, as far as im concerned, im done with studying for my future already, studies don't determine my future in the least. time to work hard on something else. afterwhich i'll use whatever capital i have earned to go for my music interest afterwards, long term planning and patience ftw!

its been fun receiving an education, not of much help to me but heck it was a blast, without going to school i'd most probably still have mum as my closest friend (not that thats a bad thing la, hahaha), and of course, all the people i have met throughout this closing chapter of my life.

sometimes you'd only truly know how some thing is like after experiencing it, no matter how much advice had been heaped upon prior to it. after all has been said and done, experience is the only true answer towards an unsatiated desire, just ask anyone who got drunk, who had sex, whom fell in love, for the very first time.

2007-10-22T23:38:00.000+08:00

The Dance of Eternity - Dream Theater

another amazing video of mike portnoy's drumming technique and ability to manipulate time signatures to such an insane extent, who the heck else can think up of such odd time beats?

peed my pants at 3:44, do check it out even if you're not an enthusiast!

2007-10-21T00:26:00.001+08:00

Random Photo of The Day:

felt a wave of cheeky behind me

my goodness im so bored i dont know what to type i think im going to just post pictures from now on for a long time.

thank you rach for all the pics!

omg

2007-10-18T16:17:00.000+08:00

Panic Attack - Dream Theater

I WANT TO BE LIKE MIKE PORTNOY I WANT I WANT HE HAS FOUR ARMS I SWEAR

empath

2007-10-14T01:16:00.000+08:00

Girl:

"i never reveal my true self, no.. its more of, i can't. i cannot crack and let it all be so clearly seen by everyone my true weaknesses my limp and gasping self all the vulnerabilities to my paper thin resolve. i need my mask i really do, but now, i cannot do without you. what am i to do? i don't know, i really dont know. i dont pour my soul to everyone much less anyone much less to the one weakness that gets at me and now i did, please dont use my tears against me. did i make a mistake by trusting you with all these? i dont know i dont know i want to say i love you but my heart got misplaced before and i misplace it into your hands now will you then cradle it but stab it at the end? do you think i am that strong? i put down such love so vehemently i pledged myself against it for once bitten twice shy and now your soul has broke me down. i cannot once again feel so helpless i swore to be strong i swore that i can go forever, again. but.. i guess, it was all a well played pretense. i never once felt strong when i seemed so tall, never once thought i wasnt going to fall.

please, don't.. hurt me?"

"uh okay,
But how else am i supposed to give you a blood test?"

old school

2007-10-14T00:31:00.000+08:00

alright time to revisit an old favourite,

blink never gets old for me oh yeaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Blink 182 - Whats My Age Again?

I took her out, it was a Friday night
I wore cologne to get the feeling right
We started making out, and she took off my pants
But then I turned on the TV

And that’s about the time she walked away from me
Nobody likes you when you’re 23
And are still more amused by TV shows
What the hell is ADD?
My friends say I should act my age
What’s my age again?
What’s my age again?

Then later on, on the drive home
I called her mom from a pay phone
I said I was the cops
And your husband’s in jail
This state looks down on sodomy

And that’s about the time that bitch hung up on me
Nobody likes you when you’re 23
And are still more amused by prank phone calls
What the hell is caller ID?
My friends say I should act my age
What’s my age again?
What’s my age again?

And that’s about the time she walked away from me
Nobody likes you when you’re 23
And you still act like you’re in Freshman year
What the hell is wrong with me?
My friends say I should act my age
What’s my age again?

And that’s about the time she broke up with me
No one should take themselves so seriously
With many years to fall in line
Why would you wish that on me?
I never want to act my age
What’s my age again?
What’s my age again?

Oh yeah, i graduated, nowhere else left to be a happy delinquent! i am so not going to be a delinquent in NS i don't think they handle matters similarly as compared to a JC.

Ah well, its been fun, what else is there left to say?
i got no regret, and no remorse.

majesty

2007-10-10T00:58:00.000+08:00

And,

she would look up to you and smile?

what would you do then,

critique

2007-10-07T01:45:00.000+08:00

for one thing, this world was never meant to be fair after the great sin.
you gotta make the discrepancy between the world being unfair, and God being unfair.

is discrepancy the right word?
anyway, so yeah, God's fair, the world isn't,
so there.

damn you winehouse your songs are making me blue,
oh so blue, baby.

question

2007-10-01T01:21:00.000+08:00

Oh Lord, you didn't put me here to be the, fallen one catching the falling, now did you? So....
Is that the purpose within my faults?

Holy Cow,
I'm a spiritual trampoline.

Well, so be it if You may, maybe that's why i can relate and explain so well to those of similar plight, albeit a more temporal one, compared to myself.

Oh well, I'll catch you all on the down low, brothers & sisters.

Dear God,

2007-09-28T00:15:00.000+08:00

i would have said i love you so, but, i think that'll make many aplenty laugh.

i could have prayed about this to you but, you know me, i was always one to question, no?
i dont know, is that really a bad thing? does it constitute towards a lack of faith indefinitely?
but father, what if questioning brought about answer, answer towards faith?
don't look at me like that, i know i probably haven't thought about this enough, thought about this within the right frame of mind, within Your frame of mind, to be specific.

towards the point of, being so ashamed of all of this that i now come to you as more of an acquaintance, than, the definite better past of me, of a stronger faith.
we sure seem like strangers, well, at least me to you dear.
would it be a sin if i said, i really really really really don't think, i can help it?
i really don't think, i can help questioning, seeing how i was once so steeped in Your faith (at least i would like to have thought so), that i was once the better son.
yeah i know, with You, nothing is impossible..
but just doing the possible, already seems pretty hard.

so.. i was just wondering, thinking.
why'd you make this world?
Oh, You know i know of the answers that come to mind; through your Holy Word, to share upon your glory with those you create. after which the ultimate betrayal of man through sin, the salvation of them again through your One and Only Son, Father, you know i've heard of these, you know after all, i am still your child, albeit a rebellious one.

why'd you make this world?

You are the ultimatum of the infinite, surpassing that even, no Seraphim or Cherubim to compare. i mean, You created them after all. the thing is, why the need for such creation? the question of, why the need to share your glory? was the creation of the universe somewhat of an impulse? (pardon my apparent disrespect, i simply cannot find another word). the creation of souls, living beings, self aware, empathetic.. powererd by spirit. it all seems very grand, but my understanding of Your being is that you are the sheer infinity, this was nothing but a mere snap of finger or less, im sure. why were you motivated to share your glory with something that in the end, was out of Your own creation? why the creation of such whole scenarios? Genesis to Revelation? because this is just a world, a mere universe, of which another few hundred thousand whole new scenarios, whole new worlds would not be a problem to you at all, father.

I know you've sent your only Son down to earth, to bear such a burden with such innocence. I cannot emphasize enough how grateful i have been about this, and how much more grateful i should have been. but i beg of you to spare me your wrath as i ask of such things, not to doubt for the sake of doubt, but to come towards an even greater understanding, of which i am wholly sincere in this aspect, i beg of you.

Jesus Christ, Son of the Father. Sent down to earth to bear that of the burdens of man, by which He, through His blood, cleansed our sins, through this sacrifice, brought salvation upon the earth. Upon which, i am certain, made the world rejoice, at least to those whom repented, till today. i can see from the many faces of Your children, of my brothers and sisters, albeit some being deceived, but yeah ill talk to you about that later. Father i know you cannot be with sin, it cannot exist upon the plane which You exist. But i shall always touch upon the sheer infinite power, the omnipotence You possess. This is Your extent You have made:

1.) the creation of a world by which to share Your Glory
2.)the betrayal, of which You long knew, was going to happen
3.)the sending of your Son, His sacrifice for the world's salvation
4.)the duty imposed upon your Children, to spread your Word of salvation
5.)the oncoming Rapture, by which all that believe will then be lifted, by which those who do not will be thrown into the throes of Hell, of Hades.
6.)the eternal peace of Heaven, within You, eternal joy and praise.

and this was only being general, Father.

you created a perfect world to share,
but you already know the outcome.

you created souls to be put through fire,
but you already know who would be of purest silver.

you gave man free will,
but you already know their destiny.

you started the entire universe,
but you already know how it will end.

Children of God, will then, put through the earth, pass on and return back to heaven. Of which their deeds upon earth; the testing ground, then be accountable. You also knew some of which you created, will deny their salvation, only to be put in an eternal void of You.

Is this, some form of a game?

You gave us Free will, Father. However, we do not have a choice whether we are put upon this world or not, we do not choose to be born. Would we be ungrateful, if we never existed in the first place? I do not know, Father. Which is better, to be born upon the world, given a free will, by which one then defies You and Your Salvation, to get thrown into eternal damnation. Or to never even exist, be ever unknowing, without the constraints of space and time? Non-existence, or eternal damnation? im sorry Father, if my words are getting out of hand. i do not mean to insult or mock or defy i really just, cannot stop questioning. they would have told me to have more faith, but if i never had faith in You in the first place, i would not have had so many questions to believe that You will answer them. i.. love you, Father, but not enough.. i am not strong enough to break the mould upon which this world, upon which my old self has placed upon me. firstly with all such questions that i never, ever, stop thinking about. life, death, You.

i have many more questions to ask, of lucifer, of Hell, of Heaven, of meaning, of your other son which is my worldly father. but i have reached my limit of tangible thought for now.

i really miss You, i want this to work out as much as You do, would you then once more, tell me to, trust and have faith in You? Then what should i do? what of my questions that undermine all these things then.

I hope to hear from You soon.

faith

2007-09-26T00:07:00.000+08:00

que sarah, sarah
whatever will be, will be

the future's for us to see
que sarah, sarah

ashdown

2007-08-23T00:08:00.000+08:00

hello hello time to make a comeback long overdue

this saturday 2-4 pm fourtones studio (hope can get a booking).

butt sore

2007-08-20T19:17:00.000+08:00

my butt is sore.

i jumped and fell on my bum bum when i was taking napfa standing broad jump. i am vaguely reminded of a similar incident back in secondary school, but of which involves a full body fall and a measurement taken from one's head. no, its not me, really.

on long bus journeys home i like to fantasize about playing drums whilst listening to songs that contain high levels of drumming, if theres such a thing. (something like seven years or foot to the throat). I imagine im sitting on the drum throne and playing with the equal flair of the drummer i am listening to (perhaps with even more head banging and jumping out of my seat to hit the crashes after a crescendo and what not), and i picture said drumset and said band to be within the confines of my school hall, complete with students, and teachers. oh yes, you cant miss out on the teachers. and you have to throw in many shocked faces of disbelief of the Boy Who Was Meant to Clean Hawker Center Tables for Life But Did Not and Now Is Kicking Some Serious Ass. This is especially to you, dear Teacher of The Great Rash. i like to think that the drumset is placed at the back of the hall, right in front of where the teachers usually sit (this is for my jc hall placing, 'cause, the JC teachers are the ones i want to screw up. some anyway.), and i would have my drumset face them and i will play as hard and as intense and as insane as the kid who first discovered masturbation. maybe i will make this a form of candid music video that my already world famous band, of which is the first Asian band to make a breakthrough into the Western music industry and influence, and then subsequently win a music award for "Most Creative Video".

This is my dream, far-fetched to some, plausible to others. I want you to respect it nonetheless. I want you to know that this is not a five minute passion, I have already been at it for 2 years and more, I constantly have blisters the size of a whore's clit on my fingers to prove my practice, and for two years I am still madly lusting after any drumset at all that I see. To those whom do not believe so, but still respects such, i respect you and have nothing against you. To those whom look down upon such, and snigger and sneer, don't worry, you'll soon see the front of my drumset, as I blow your brains out like the rest of the teachers.

I will not, fail you. My Brothers, my Bandmates, those who share the same sight.
I swear.

BOOBS

2007-08-19T23:01:00.000+08:00

CONVERSATION QUOTE OF THE DAY:

In the land of super____ world. says:
YEAHYEAH
In the land of super____ world. says:
OMG
In the land of super____ world. says:
IM SO FULL
In the land of super____ world. says:
IM SO FAT
In the land of super____ world. says:
AFTER EATING 6 HOTDOGS
In the land of super____ world. says:
I THINK I HAVE EXTRA BOOBS EVERYWHERE
In the land of super____ world. says:
AHHHHHHHH

WHO WANTS TO GUESS WHO SAID THIS, VERY EASY~!

father

2007-07-22T00:21:00.000+08:00

I will not hesitate to do so. I will have no regrets.
Don't, tempt me.

Where were you, when sanity slips, when the demons sneak in.
Where were you

paranoiac

2007-07-11T22:38:00.001+08:00

Each thing I do I rush through so I can do
something else. In such a way do the days pass -
a blend of stock car racing and the never
ending building of a gothic cathedral.
Through the windows of my speeding car, I see
all that I love falling away: books unread,
jokes untold, landscapes unvisited. And why?
What treasure do I expect in my future?
Rather it is the confusion of childhood
loping behind me, the chaos in the mind,
the failure chipping away at each success.
Glancing over my shoulder I see its shape
and so move forward, as someone in the woods
at night might hear the sound of approaching feet
and stop to listen, then, instead of silence
he hears some creature trying to be silent.
What else can he do but run? Rushing blindly
down the path, stumbling, struck in the face by sticks;
the other ever closer, yet not really
hurrying or out of breath, teasing its kill.

Pursuit - Stephen Dobyns

never once failed to get the chills each time i read and re-read this poem. you can't imagine, such claustrophobic fear enough.

maledictus

2007-07-08T03:06:00.000+08:00

for from the velvet to the crimson,

tonight be different.

for the last time,
its 'stuff', not 'stuffs'. there is no plural to the word.

hi

2007-07-02T21:56:00.000+08:00

siiiiiii junming and chunkit want me to update ah

heh..

i seem to be falling behind on the blogging trend, everyone has wrote their philosophical pieces, the epiphanical posts for the religious ones, uhh then there's the constantly bored or being bored posts and then theres also the song lyric posts phase and the emo posts oh you cant miss out on the emo posts its like a vermin plague or black death or a bad bad case of genital herpes.

anyway so yeah i think its all fine and dandy and panty and you all really speak out and speak loud and i love it and i love you all and all your posts and its really really cool how blogger now saves your drafts automatically but they really dont need to keep showing that bubble that says now blogger saves your drafts automatically! dash questionmark above the save now button.

i have no gross opinion or comment upon the whereins and whereabouts and wherehoos of life or the aspects or its iniquities, the transgressions everyone must go through or the vague and incomprehensible philosophies of lily putty, but here is what makes it all worthwhile, and believe me when i say;

I is not jorking.

i am bored like some dog says:
he reaching illbis utimate emo stage le
i am bored like some dog says:
we must save him
i am bored like some dog says:
from the dark
i am bored like some dog says:
and evil.
i am bored like some dog says:
the rings must be destroyed.
i am bored like some dog says:
i will have the ring destoryed
i am bored like some dog says:
NO I WILL
i am bored like some dog says:
NO I AM STRONGER I WILL
i am bored like some dog says:
NAHS I WILL DO IT
i am bored like some dog says:
OKOK YOU CAN HAVE IT
i am bored like some dog says:
and starts the adventage of lord.. of the rings

and life is knowing that you always have things to look forward to, puzzles to solve and
things to decipher. life is indeed full of adventages, therefore, good say yy, good say.

to the philosophical ones who help out by solving the conundrums in life, by giving it structure and dissecting the hard or confusing parts, i salute your attempts. it is not easy given how you try to task out God's architecture (pardon my beliefs), but nevertheless, religon or not, thank you for shining your torchlight of many colors upon the darker and weirder parts of most of our thoughts.

to the revelationary, thank god (literally) for you guys who trust in such, religiously and without question.. that of which i lost out in, i cant stop questioning. (sorry people of greater faith, not that i do not or will not, rather i can not, at least not until i find the answers i am looking for anyway.) wise are those who trust in God of which wisdom and knowledge flows and thus, not depending on one own's independence or strength, then thrive and shine eh? but yeah, i still have my questions to seek out, if i say it now i think it will get endless, ill save it for the more opportune moment.

to the bored, your boredom brings out the color in other people's life, woohoo! now why does that sound like you dont benefit from such at all? oh well, as they always, always say, bored people are sexy. stay bored, stay sexy!

emo people really need to get out more, I AM NOT MAKING A PREJUDICED STATEMENT UPON ALL WHO CONSIDER THEMSELVES LESS THEN CONTENT, but you really cant keep wallowing in self pity and sorrow and stuff like that you gotta go pee sometime soon. heck we all have a little bit of that in all of us same as how we have the other emotions and feelings and decepticons, but why would you let the lousiest one take dominance and preside over the rest. its not worth it and no, you do have a choice and it can be helped because nipple-y excuses such as i cant help feeling what i feel dont cut it anymore. if you can be sad, why the heck cant you be strong. just scroll up and draw strength from all the above mentioned categories heck you have plenty of choices you should be like the kid in the candy store of which jellybean jars have no licorice (black) ones at all. God i hate the black jellybeans.

take heart, that of which in my current mood, am not being very happy at all (seeing how there's school tmrw and how my future prospects really seem bleak), am not contemplating suicidal thoughts or over-crying am i. dont worry about love being the main antagonist to your seemingly inescapable paradigm of abysmal despair, chances are, you dont even know what love really is at all.

you know what really is the hardest thing to do above all the things in this jolly old earth?

to have an opinion that no one could disagree with.

teach me how to cry

2007-06-21T18:44:00.000+08:00

When all is said and done
Will we still feel pain inside?
Will the scars go away with night?
Try to smile for the morning light
It's like the best dream to have
Where everything is not so bad
Every tear is so alone
Like God himself is coming home

To say I
I can do anything, If you want me here
And I can fix anything, If you'll let me near
Where are those secrets now
That you're too scared to tell
I whisper them all aloud
So you can hear yourself

Green trees were the first sign
The deepest blue, the clearest sky
The silence came with brightest eyes
Like turning water into wine
The children ran to see
Their parents stood in disbelief
And those who knew braced for the ride
The Earth itself then came alive

To say I,
I can do anything, If you want me here
And I can fix anything, If you'll let me near
Where are those secrets now
That you're too scared to tell
I whisper them all aloud
So you can hear yourself

I'm sorry I have to say it but you look like you're sad
Your smile is gone, I noticed it bad
The cure is if you let in just a little more love
I promise you this, a little's enough

I'm sorry I have to say it but you look like you're sad
Your smile is gone, I noticed it bad
The cure is if you let in just a little more love
I promise you this, a little's enough

I'm sorry I have to say it but you look like you're sad
Your smile is gone, I noticed it bad
The cure is if you let in just a little more love
I promise you this, a little's enough (Repeat)

A Little's Enough - Angels & Airwaves

phrase

2007-06-05T00:28:00.000+08:00

AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

okayokay this phrase got me laughing for around nearly 2 minutes straight:

Opinions are like Assholes;

Everyone's got them and they all stink.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

THE CHALET

2007-05-23T00:50:00.000+08:00

THE BIRTHDAY BOYS:

EUJI
PCC YY
QINXIANG

THE PICTURES OF ME AND CAT:

THE TENTATIVE END, POST AGAIN WHEN NEW AND MORE PICTURES ARRIVE.

contentedness,

2007-05-06T00:16:00.001+08:00

mix that with happiness and you get a

double shot of bliss.

hope.

extract

2007-04-22T23:43:00.000+08:00

"The War

im gonna blog weekly from now onwards, as i guess blog is a good way to send messages to people in an easy way.
well,well time passed so fast that i cant hardly recall when was the last time i masturbated. but certain issues amuse me greatly nowadays.
for example, people nowadays like to use bombasticly extreme deep-end kick-ass suck-shit english. in short, chim.
something like...."reminiscencing the unforgotten memorable past". lol?
why go through all that fucking trouble when you can just say "i miss the good old fucking days!".
or something like *wait let me go thru my msn list*...."reminiscencing the love that was like summersweet". thats like lol?! why dont she just say "i just got fucked! damn!", and hey did i see that damn word again.

the world isnt peaceful at all, george bush and lee hsien long lied to you all motherfuckers. the fact is, war is raging everywhere. from the middle-east sands to the urban streets, to the heartlands and to the hearts and minds of people. the lectures about love and greatness? it doesnt exist at all, the truth is people only care about themselves. at least most of them are to be fair. agree with me when i say, no one, NO ONE will ever do anything for others without benefitting themselves. theres a picture in everyone's heart, and the only picture is their ownself. friendster,msn blah..whats up with pictures of the pretty you everywhere? 50/50 pics are all about your glamour, your nick goes "i had chicken chop for dinner today!" FUCK? will there ever be a day where you msn nick is a good joke that will make someone who had a bad day laugh? or motivating someone to get up on his own feet? nope i dont think so. and for one last time, im saying the majority not everyone single soul on this good green earth.

my life is beginning a new chapter soon. it had almost fell apart as some of you might know, but i was lucky. pure lucky. at this point in my life, i realise the biggest sin in the world is wasting a mini-second in your life. but its kinda late i guess.

life is sorta like a battlefield. if you practised everything you have learned in boot camp, you will probably survive the harsh world but you will always be a regular soldier. only if you are lucky you might get promoted to a general. if you act on your own accord in the battlefield, you will most probaby fuckin die, however if you manage to win the war by yourself, you will get promoted to a rank beyond your dreams. it all comes down to a war,
a war between choices.

i would like to thank the people i care about in my life. i might just sneeze hard and snap my neck and die tml so its better to say it when i can.its hard to say it in person you know this kind of things very gan ga 1 lol.

4H,
the best time in my education no doubt. nothing can ever replace it.

my band,
we gotta make more good music
junwei,ben and chris!!

my phs friends,
jm,yy,ck,hy,pat,etc
(yes i do care and will help you all if you guys ever need me although i get dao-ed most of the time LOL)

my dawgs,
wz,qx,tim,ban,darren,etc
(you guys gave the world a whole new bunch of jokes to laugh about =D)

my chums,
jonas,wilson,zhihao,aaron,etc
(pri 1 till now, tell me la how many motherfuckers have already ditched the memory of their old friends? i got alot to name but i wont =) ).

-taken from joey's latest blogpost

now why cant i express how i feel as easily as he does? no wonder he is doing all the songwriting! lol i read this post and laughed like mad, but i really agree on the points he brought up. ive been lazy or uninspired to write lately and im glad he made this post that said what i may have said should i have blogged. so thanks joey! you write good! you very funny! i like Ashdown too! i think they rock!

REMINISCING THE UNFORGOTTEN MEMORABLE PAST,
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THAT HAS GOT TO BE THE WORST ACT CHEEM LINE I EVER HEARD MAN.

2007-04-08T20:48:00.000+08:00

The Stolen Child

WHERE dips the rocky highland
Of Sleuth Wood in the lake,
There lies a leafy island
Where flapping herons wake
The drowsy water rats;
There we've hid our faery vats,
Full of berrys
And of reddest stolen cherries.
Come away, O human child!
To the waters and the wild
With a faery, hand in hand,
For the world's more full of weeping than you can understand.
Where the wave of moonlight glosses
The dim gray sands with light,
Far off by furthest Rosses
We foot it all the night,
Weaving olden dances
Mingling hands and mingling glances
Till the moon has taken flight;
To and fro we leap
And chase the frothy bubbles,
While the world is full of troubles
And anxious in its sleep.
Come away, O human child!
To the waters and the wild
With a faery, hand in hand,
For the world's more full of weeping than you can understand.
Where the wandering water gushes
From the hills above Glen-Car,
In pools among the rushes
That scare could bathe a star,
We seek for slumbering trout
And whispering in their ears
Give them unquiet dreams;
Leaning softly out
From ferns that drop their tears
Over the young streams.
Come away, O human child!
To the waters and the wild
With a faery, hand in hand,
For the world's more full of weeping than you can understand.
Away with us he's going,
The solemn-eyed:
He'll hear no more the lowing
Of the calves on the warm hillside
Or the kettle on the hob
Sing peace into his breast,
Or see the brown mice bob
Round and round the oatmeal chest.
For he comes, the human child,
To the waters and the wild
With a faery, hand in hand,
For the world's more full of weeping than he can understand.

The Stolen Child
-William Butler Yeats

okaaaay so i watched A.I. on the sunday box office showcase and got the poem from there, i don't have a lack of creativity! i just thought that this poem was DA BOMB.

Quote

2007-04-07T16:59:00.000+08:00

"He who makes a Beast out of himself, gets rid of the pain of being a Man."

-Dr. Samuel Johnson

truth

2007-03-30T00:09:00.000+08:00

Hypocrisy.
I'm sure it's something most people don't like.
True, many of us may be hypocrites who truely deserve no love in such a facet.

But please do consider,
hypocrisy on our portfolio might have been for your sake in the first place.

OH MY GOODNEHNEHPOK

2007-03-26T02:08:00.000+08:00

AUUUGHH CHUNKIT WHERE THE HECK YOU GET THIS PICTURE FROM???
WHY IS SHE SO CUTE,
PRETTY,
INNOCENT,
CUTE,

HOOOOOLYY COW IM STILL BEING BLOWN AWAY
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
SOOO PRETTY AIF:B:WAKJADNUOFABWFBIAWNIFbLKJNJLBAG

walk the faded line

2007-03-17T17:37:00.000+08:00

Witness shame's parade, the pain of blame repaid
It's fu*king hopeless
Accusations and denial.

Hopeless... demon of another day
Colorless... stoned, solid grey
Emptiness... of promises I made
So faithless... the tenants long betrayed.

Walk the faded line, cursed crawl of time
Silence, the only promise ever kept.

Familiar touch, a ritual to numb the cut
Salvation in vice
Anguish is realizing what could have been, but never was
It's emptiness that fills the cup.
Devotion in, the method of my fall.

Pointless...futility continuing
Endless…flowing corrupted vein.

Walk the faded Line, cursed crawl of time
Walk the faded Line, cursed crawl of time
Silence the only promise ever kept

It's fu*king hopeless
Hopeless.(x2)
It's fu*king hopeless
Hopeless.

The Faded Line - Lamb of God

homage

2007-03-15T00:15:00.000+08:00

Chris Adler

call me gay for posting so many of his pics but heck, he is the sh!t. just hear his drumming and you'd find out for yourself. for a thrash metal drummer, he looks very friendly tho.

to what depths

2007-03-12T01:38:00.000+08:00

Dir en Grey

Kyo

change

2007-03-07T21:06:00.000+08:00

okay i finally changed my blogskin after 12412514 years.

its dir en grey.

preferred them when they were still visual kei, abit too gothic now but oh well. hope you guys like it, or at least don't mind it.

2007-03-06T23:01:00.000+08:00

Desert Rose
Why do you live alone
If you are sad
I'll make you leave this life
Are you white, blue or bloody red
All I can see is drowning in cold grey sand

The winds of time
You knock me to the ground
I'm dying of thirst
I wanna run away
I don't know how to set me free to live
My mind cries out feeling pain

I've been roaming to find myself
How long have I been feeling endless hurt
Falling down, rain flows into my heart
In the pain I'm waiting for you
Can't go back
No place to go back to
Life is lost, Flowers fall
If it's all dreams
Now wake me up
If it's all real
Just kill me

I'm making the wall inside my heart
I don't wanna let my emotions get out
It scares me to look at the world
Don't want to find myself lost in your eyes
I tried to drown my past in grey
I never wanna feel more pain
Ran away from you without saying any words
What I don't wanna lose is love

Through my eyes
Time goes by like tears
My emotion's losing the color of life
Kill my heart
Release all my pain
I'm shouting out loud
Insanity takes hold over me

Turning away from the wall
Nothing I can see
The scream deep inside
reflecting another person in my heart
He calls me from within
"All existence you see before you
must be wiped out :
Dream, Reality, Memories,
and Yourself"

I begin to lose control of myself
My lust is so blind, destroys my mind
Nobody can stop my turning to madness
No matter how you try to hold me in your heart
Why do you wanna raise these walls
I don't know the meaning of hatred
My brain gets blown away hearing words of lies
I only want to hold your love

Stab the dolls filled with hate
Wash yourself with their blood
Drive into the raging current of time
Swing your murderous weapon into the belly
"the earth"
Shout and start creating confusion
Shed your blood for pleasure
And what? For love?
What am I supposed to do?

I believe in the madness called "Now"
Past and future prison my heart
Time is blind
But I wanna trace my love
on the wall of time, over pain in my heart
Art of life
Insane blade stabbing dreams
Try to break all truth now
But I can't heal this broken heart in pain
Cannot start to live, Cannot end my life
Keep on crying

Close my eyes
Time breathes I can hear
All love and sadness
melt in my heart

Dry my tears
Wipe my bloody face
I wanna feel me living my life
outside my walls

You can't draw a picture of yesterday, so
You're painting your heart with your blood
You can't say "No"
Only turning the wheel of time
with a rope around your neck
You build a wall of morality and take a breath
from between the bricks
You make up imaginary enemies and are chased by them
You're trying to commit suicide
You're satisfied with your prologue
Now you're painting your first chapter black
You are putting the scraps of life together
and trying to make an asylum for yourself
You're hitting a bell at the edge of the stage
and
You are trying to kill me

I believe in the madness called "Now"
Time goes flowing, breaking my heart
Wanna live
Can't let my heart kill myself
Still I haven't found what I'm looking for
Art of life
I try to stop myself
But my heart goes to destroy the truth
Tell me why
I want the meaning of my life
Do I try to live, Do I try to love
in my dream

I'm breaking the wall inside my heart
I just wanna let my emotions get out
Nobody can stop
I'm running to freedom
No matter how you try to hold me in your world
Like a doll carried by the flow of time
I sacrificed the present moment for the future
I was in chains of memory half-blinded
Losing my heart, walking in the sea of dreams

Close my eyes
Rose breathes I can hear
All love and sadness melt in my heart
Dry my tears
Wipe my bloody face
I wanna feel me living my life
outside my mind

Dreams can make me mad
I can't leave my dream
I can't stop myself
Don't know what I am
What lies are truth?
What truths are lies?

I believe in the madness called "Now"
Time goes flowing, breaking my heart
Wanna live
Can't let my heart kill myself
Still I haven't found what I'm looking for
Art of life
I try to stop myself
But my heart goes to destroy the truth
Tell me why
I want the meaning of my life
Do I try to live? Do I try to love?

Art of life
An Eternal Bleeding heart
You never wanna breathe your last
Wanna live
Can't let my heart kill myself
Still I'm feeling for
A Rose is breathing love
in my life

"Art Of Life" - X Japan

Pink Spider

2007-03-01T00:24:00.000+08:00

In Loving Memory,
Hideto "Hide" Matsumoto (13 Dec 1964-May 2 1998)

Repertoire

2007-02-28T22:05:00.000+08:00

Hello people, for the upcoming gig this Saturday at Gashaus, it will be from 5 pm onwards to maybe 2 am. We have not confirmed our slot yet but it will most probably be after 6 pm. Presale tickets are $10 and $12 at the door. Please come support us if you can make it!

Ashdown will be performing these songs in no particular order (actually there is i just forgot the order hahaha) :

The Adventure - Angels and Airwaves
Plug In Baby - Muse
Down - Blink 182
The War - Angels and Airwaves
Hysteria - Muse
First Date - Blink 182
Rockshow - Blink 182
Rooftops - Lostprophets
Baby Come On - Plus 44 (only if requested to do encore!)

I personally guarantee you, for the guys who went to our previous gig at Dover ITE, that this will be 10 times better, or your money back. And for those who are watching us the first time, i hope we blow you guys away!

okay thats all, thank you all very much!

AHAHAHAHAHAHA

2007-02-26T22:36:00.000+08:00

Yet, again www.thegrimgoodbye.blogspot.com says:
What's the Lit qn??
rockkk. Ashdown says:
hang on i just copied it down
rockkk. Ashdown says:
Write a critical appreciation on the conflicts and reasonings behind the seperation of Elizabeth & Anna in the text titled "Feelings Fade When Things Change."
Yet, again www.thegrimgoodbye.blogspot.com says:
FU*K YOU LAH
rockkk. Ashdown says:
AHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Yet, again www.thegrimgoodbye.blogspot.com says:
HAHAHAHA

after all, we are all still human.

2007-02-26T00:44:00.000+08:00

X JAPAN

OK, and X Japan…..

I'm like…….Why now? ..... Why, why, why……

To be honest….. it took years to conquer the pain and sadness….. maybe not yet, I still cannot listen to…… or watch X Japan's videos….. without tears…..

" MY OWN GODDAMN BAND" ….. I can't listen to it without crying…… HOW CAN I BE IN IT AGAIN? …… IT HURTS SO MUCH…… TO EVEN TALK ABOUT ...... X JAPAN…..

Yes, I can play the drums. I think I can play them even harder than before…… of course my injured neck and wrists hurt….. but SO WHAT!!! ….. I don't give a fu*k about that kind of pain…..

But mentally….. I don't know if I can take it….. I'm not saying if I'll do it or not….. I talked to Toshi (vocalist)……. He called me almost towards the end of last year….. for the first time since we went our separate ways……….

Toshi and I..... we grew up together…........ I don't know ….. I don't know…. I don't …… know …….

Yes, there are lyrics of the song "WITHOUT YOU" ….. That, I wrote, right after Hide's death….. also, I had to do so many takes of piano recording, because of the tears falling down and flooding the piano keys, and my fingers kept slipping again and again.

If there's somebody to sing this song ….. I think it should be Toshi….. but …… I don't know….. I don't know….. I don't fu*king know….. It's too painful to……

I'm sorry, I don't want to make you feel depressed or anything like that….. but so many people have been asking me about this, so I had to say something…… just let me….. have…… a little more time……

I love you all.

YOSHIKI

February 24, 2007

taken from Yoshiki's (drummer of X Japan) myspace. I dont really know X Japan well but still im kinda sad that Hide died when he was still at his prime. Not everyone can act like they are onstage and filled with nothing but euphoria all the time. Even rockstars need some time to bleed. Yoshiki really seemed sad beyond words.

of the same species.

2007-02-25T20:14:00.000+08:00

rockkk. Ashdown says:
siao i tired leh
rockkk. Ashdown says:
not like you so good
rockkk. Ashdown says:
gg to holiday alr
rockkk. Ashdown says:
NO FAIR
D for DEX†ER. WOOOHOO I LOVEE EXAMS! says:
3 more days
rockkk. Ashdown says:
AUUGHH
D for DEX†ER. WOOOHOO I LOVEE EXAMS! says:
first
D for DEX†ER. WOOOHOO I LOVEE EXAMS! says:
i have to finsh studying
D for DEX†ER. WOOOHOO I LOVEE EXAMS! says:
im suppose to finsh 1 module withn less den 24 hr
rockkk. Ashdown says:
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH
rockkk. Ashdown says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
D for DEX†ER. WOOOHOO I LOVEE EXAMS! says:
dun luff leh
D for DEX†ER. WOOOHOO I LOVEE EXAMS! says:
i dun even noe wad the teacher is toking

rockkk. Ashdown says:
but poly v hard to retain wan ma
rockkk. Ashdown says:
wun wan lah
D for DEX†ER. WOOOHOO I LOVEE EXAMS! says:
to retain is a achievement
rockkk. Ashdown says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAH
rockkk. Ashdown says:
so its super hard to retain ah?
D for DEX†ER. WOOOHOO I LOVEE EXAMS! says:
i nver try b4 leh
D for DEX†ER. WOOOHOO I LOVEE EXAMS! says:
i all get D oso nver retain
D for DEX†ER. WOOOHOO I LOVEE EXAMS! says:
piagarism oso nver retain
D for DEX†ER. WOOOHOO I LOVEE EXAMS! says:
steal all the staircase level the plate and no smoking sign oso nver retain
rockkk. Ashdown says:
WALAO EH
rockkk. Ashdown says:
HAHAHAHAHA

dunno wheter to laugh or to malu

2007-02-24T23:32:00.000+08:00

Set: Angels & Airwaves - The Adventure (Concluding Piece)

Concluding Chorus-

Joey: Heyyyy ohhhhhhh, here i am

Chris & Ben doing their thing on the guitars

Me: Hitting hihats and snare... hit hit hit hit hit DROP RIGHT DRUMSTICK GASP PANIC PANIC pick up drumstick play on siasuay in front of all my friends and other bands and audience.

lucky i picked it up within one second and it wasnt very noticeable, but still. I CANT BELIEVE IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED MY LAST BLOG POST WROTE "WAH IMAGINE I DROP MY DRUMSTICK NOOOOOOO" !@@&#*&%^$@#@!$

joey puts on his msn nick: Good gig, suck crowd

i feel: Good effort, suck gig organization and equipment and mic.

we did well, i wont deny, we did great in fact, thank you all for coming to support us and sending words of encouragement that made our maiden gig a satisfactory one.

okayokay no stage fright NO STAGE FRIGHT.

2007-02-21T20:40:00.000+08:00

ARGHHH its this coming saturday already, the Dover ITE Coalesce gig, thank goodness joey's wallet was recovered with almost everything intact and now i am armed with new tickets to distribute. those people who bought the tickets from me i will be giving you the newer and more presentable ones tmrw if possible! any others who are interested is always welcome to buy as well!

uhh apparently we are the opening band for the gig, that REALLY gives me the jitters because it means that we are going to be the band that sets the benchmark for the rest of the bands already so PLEASE PLEASE i really cannot screw up. WALAO IMAGINE I DROP MY STICKS NOOOOOOOOOO.

i feel nervous thinking about it, i hope everything works out well. but nevertheless, PLEASE COME SUPPORT ASHDOWN ON OUR FIRST EVER GIG SINCE WE'VE FORMED! Its at Dover ITE and it starts at 5, we are the opening band so yeah we start at 5 too.

the following week after the ITE gig will be the one at gas haus already.

OMGOODNESS. AUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhh

XIN NIAN HAPPY!

2007-02-21T00:50:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I LOVE IT!

WALAO DONT BE LIKE THAT LAH, NEW YEAR HAPPY!!!
aiyah i hate to say it but it STILL pains me, i still believe and want things to be possible, and i really ate alot of pineapple tarts during the new year.

I WILL TRY TO MAKE THINGS BETTER ON MY PART/SIDE, MIAN KIA!

no, im not trying to make a mockery out of this all, my humor alleviates my weakness and failure. im sorry. (i really hate writing emo posts.)

And i hope i make things clear, for all the things that i hold dear.

2007-02-13T00:57:00.000+08:00

I'm frightened at night and the wind has a roar
It seeps through the hall and from under the door
Like the shit that was said
I can't take it that well
I give and I give and I give and I give and I'm still
Lost and hurt and bone thin from the love that's been starved
I know it got close but I'm sure it's too far
From the point of suspense, we know it should be
The end of that part of our favorite movie
When the guy grabs the girl and gives her his hand
Says take me away from this torturous land
Cause the grave is set up, the hole that I dug
I gave and I gave and I gave and I gave you my trust
Like the time that we kissed and you gave me a lie
To add to the scene you pretended to cry
But I'm here and I'm cool, the way that it is
Just give me a chance and I'll try to forgive

And I don't know
And I can't guess
If it's gonna be OK
But now my last wish
Is that you do this with me
Kiss me here and hold my hand
Let me feel like I'm the only one
I know you can
Won't you do it for me now

I've really had it with the rain of the tears
The predictable storm that has come every year
And it sneaks in from shore with a bat in its hand
I'm trying I'm trying I'm trying I'm trying I can't
You're a thief and a witch but I love you to death
You steal my heart and curse under your breath
But the one thing that I can't most willingly prove
That when you are gone I'll be fine without you

And I don't know
And I can't guess
If it's gonna be OK
But now my last wish
Is that you do this with me
Kiss me here and hold my hand
Let me feel like I'm the only one
I know you can
Won't you do it for me now?

Now just hold on, hold on to me
Hold on, hold on to me (hold on to me)
Hold on, hold on to me (hold on to me)
Hold on, hold on to me (hold on to me)
Hold on, hold on to me (hold on to me)
Hold on, hold on to me (hold on to me)
Hold on, hold on to me (hold on to me)
Hold on, hold on to me (hold on to me)
Hold on, hold on to me (hold on to me)
Hold on, hold on to me

Do It For Me Now - Angels & Airwaves

shit. does this mean i screwed up again?

GASP

2007-02-13T00:31:00.000+08:00

i have been neglecting my drums the past few days, dang my missing concentration and mental reminders. its time to get back on track in that aspect.

OKAY WEEKEND JAMMING SONG LIST BABY:

Baby come on -Plus 44 (done!)
When your heart stops beating -Plus 44(urgh!)
Third song anyone? any suggestions?
(Do it for me now -AvA! that song rocks and i think makes for a good contrasting alternative song to play.)

blue moon bliss

2007-02-11T17:16:00.000+08:00

alright yesterday was spent going to yishun junior college's carnival day! i havent been back there in like a year or more, i sure missed that place! met up with joey and his girlfriend at yishun mrt at around 4 then walked to yj, goodness i cant believe i still remember how to get there, lucky didnt get us all lost! hahahaha. seeing the entrance to the school brought back memories of how i used to loathe entering its gates on the first few days of PAE, afterwhich i realized (after the first 3 months) how great the place actually is, friends, teachers, environment and all. met kaili walking out as i walked in, i didnt even know he was from yjc first intake until i saw him and he told me! freaking surprising sia, hahahaha. said he was from P08 i think. anyway we walked to the parade square and there were like a whole bunch of stalls set up and it was filled with people, saw some familiar faces and places, then i saw my first intake class at one of the stalls! its great seeing them again after so long, they didnt really change much! they were selling cookies and floats and i spent most of my ticket there, the cookies taste great! hahaha. walked around and as me joey and his gf were deciding to go to prata house for lunch, we met the whole gang of them as we were walking out. so joey left with his gf and i stayed with puny eyes, furborg, potato, gorilla, goat, charlie and eugene (did i miss out anyone?).

we walked around and saw quite a few phs people! unlike my school where im the only one. i called sophia but she was at ijc at the moment watching the rock band performance, hy and gang came here from there as well and they told me that there were alot of mat bands but a few bands were pretty good. walked and walked and looked and looked and sophia, clement and a few others came back and told me that the band from YJC (named Ceteris Paribus, ive got no comment.) won the supernova compy! woohoo! go yj! they were all really happy about it. afterwhich we got to see their performance, they are not bad, good singer and very good lead guitarist, their original sounded okay, but it was a little too mainstream pop for my liking. (sounded like mcfly or busted or sth). and the big con is, they only knew how to do 2 songs, they werent able to play anything else for encore, no band should only consist just two songs in their repertoire! doesnt matter how well you do those songs, 2 songs and nothing else will get you nowhere. other than that, if they worked on expanding their covers/originals, they should do alright. (i hope they change their genre to something more serious though.) curse the organizers for disallowing poly students to join. anyway after that we went to a nearby hawker centre and i watched them eat, i still had to wait for xuanting at yishun mrt to bring her to the carnival, abit irnonic and funny because, she can only reach at 9 and the carnival ends at that time too, hahaha!

DA GANG all went home and i met xuan at the mrt, long time no see her too! the last time i saw her i had long hair and long nails. dang. walked back to yjc with her to meet up with the rest and we went out for dinner. took a bus to thompson prata house with sop, xuan, clem, kenneth and soonlong (who unfortunately had to leave as he had something on early in the following morning.) and we ate prata. actually only me and sop ate prata the rest had xiao wan mian, lol saw jack neo, mark lee, jeff wang and some other actress eating there too, sop was extremely excited and the rest of us couldnt really be bothered, HAHA. xuan, clem and kenneth finished their food and went off to get some drinks at 7 eleven, and guess what, they returned with a strawberry cheescake to celebrate sophia's upcoming birthday! what a surprise! (yes i was surprised too because i didnt know anything about it i was sitting with sophia and talking to her the whole time. hahahaha!) HAPPY BIRTHDAY IN ADVANCE SOP!!! we most probably couldnt all get together on that day itself so we had to do it saturday! hope you dont mind!

okayokay here is the funny part, after eating and celebrating at the prata house, it was like 12 midnight, and we all didnt feel like going home, in the end we walked into some restaurant which was really really cool they had like sofas and a big tv and they operate till 3 am. so we all went in and decided, after much consideration, to order 3 chinese teas and a ham sandwhich, hahahaha! the menu got all of us laughing like mad, their snack category was named "Piling Up for a Small Munch" and then there is another category named "Piling Up for a Great Munch" too, HAHAHAHAHA it was ridiculous we ended up laughing more than deciding what to eat. then we watched this CHEESY CHINESE HORROR FLICK, which seemed more like a comedy, the vampire looked so lame and the main actors and actresses didnt seem very frightened of the vampires as well HAHAHA. but it was a good laugh and we all had a ball of a time! afterwhich we left the place hardly touching what we ordered (i think the waiters were pretty pissed HAHAHA) and we walked to some petrol kiosk to take a cab. i took a cab home with sophia, clem xuan and kenneth then took another cab. the taxi driver was pretty interesting ;)
reached home at around 2.40 am! whoops.

all in all it was really a great day i had lots of fun, i havent seen these people in ages and regret not doing so sooner! we should all hang out again someday! hahahaha, missed you p19 people!

STRICTLY NO DUMPING

2007-02-09T22:13:00.000+08:00

PROUD ARE WE TO BE

CLICK IT, YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO

self explanatory!

2007-02-07T19:55:00.000+08:00

3rd march! click to enlarge. Ashdown shall dominate the scene.

Modicum

2007-02-05T23:50:00.001+08:00

The race with such variety,
But the end is all I see.
I see you stand and go back down,
Falter back unto your knees.
The stench of such a pathetic wake.
People around me they fall like flies,
Needless tears ooze where they lie,
Staring with such empty eyes;
What I saw was cowardice.
You lie there, your mind squeezed shut,
Waiting to choke & bleed to death.
What of your memories that shed so much,
What was it that stole your breath.
Oh, the problems of your heart..
The blade that went in burned and scarred?
A binary choice that you took up,
You just either stand or stay.
If you stood, lick up your blood.
Walk on through life's burning way.
Choose to lie I do not care,
Its just less mess in the fray.
Go ahead and place the blame,
On all that you think makes you weak.
Flames, flames they burn and rage,
The petals licking at your feet.
A blind bird in an open cage,
Look at you fool, sound in your sleep.
Your dreams they are all fallacies.
Wake and let the pain soar through,
Who is your true enemy,
When you use your scars to set you free.
Your twisted perception it writhes,
Within your narrow-minded fear.
I wonder when after all has ceased,
Would you still have things left to hold dear.
Would you kill yourself to set you free,
Make you a liability,
Would you go and cry on tears of blood,
For something never meant to be.
Would you slit your wrists just so to prove,
That you see what others can't perceive.
Would you cut yourself as to ensure,
Your existence is not just make believe.
You flatter yourself into thinking;
How your life is so full of pain,
Yours is not a quarter of an inch,
Compared to how some have to tame.
I digress; I do not care.
How you play your losing game,
Why do I still bother to stare,
When everyone's a bleeding shame.

It seems that we have

2007-02-05T22:35:00.000+08:00

another gig.

heh heh. joey just informed me, its held at youth avenue i think, on the 25th of march. auditions are on the 10th of march and i think they disallow hardcore metal bands or any of that sort (YES!) . seems like march will be a pretty busy month for Ashdown! i will keep you guys updated on the details!

auuugh!

2007-02-04T20:03:00.000+08:00

yes yes it has been postponed, 3rd feb to 24th, im so so sorry guys the organizers really suck they informed us just one freaking day before the actual event, representing all the guys from Ashdown, we're really really sorry. we didnt expect or want this to happen either, however the tickets are still valid and can be used on that day. we apologize for the inconvenience.

okay friday,

after school went to meet joey, had lunch at pizza hut, we both agreed that the student value meal for lunch was freaking worth it ($5.95 only! cheapcheap!). anyway while we're lunching joey recieved the ultimate phone call that informed us that due to security reasons, the gig has been postponed. lousy reason i must say. i guess the good side is that we have more time to practice and make our ticket buyer's money more worth it, so ticket holders trust us, Ashdown will work doubly hard to give you guys a good performance on that day to make up for it.
took a train down to ben's shop and joey was like freaking excited because he was getting his FENDER SQUIRE STRATOCASTER (correct me if wrong) from ben's shop at a nice discounted price! AHHAAHAHA its freaking funny when everyone asks ben if they could get something for free or at a 150 dollar discount. (Ben's dad and family owns this guitar/guitar repair shop down at bras basah, not sweelee or ranking sports, but the other more honest and trustable one at the corner.) anyway the strat's action was adjusted by ben's dad himself to suit our playing style and joey was very happy about it. chris bought a hundred dollar delay+echo pedal and it sounded really nice too.

okay lets talk about the jamming. HAHAHAHA according to joey, it was the worst session ever since Ashdown was formed, but its most probably due to the new equipment, most probably they didnt know how to use it well yet because it was bought and used on the same day. i felt that it was still okay though.. sheryl and her two friends came down to visit and watched us jam (i asked her to come because i felt that we should have a gauge and some opinion on our skill, showmanship and all that jazz.) then so suay we did our worst today, HAHA. but she said that we did very well and that im very pro and plays with alot of passion (=x.), and that our band has potential! she liked our the adventure and down alot. and im glad to hear that we did fine even though we screwed up that day.. dont worry joey! we will do ten times better on the day of the gig, i know it! its not like we didnt work hard or put in effort! jammed for 3 whole hours and it cost us 54 bucks (big big big big hole in wallet) plus ben the bassist had to leave early and that left us crippled without bass as well, oh well! im sure the next time will be much better, we just have our bad days thats all. after that went home and slept my night away i was seriously tired.

next songs to learn is baby come on -Plus 44 (i love that song!), and i dont know which other one yet still undecided.. okay thats about it, go spore! hope we win thailand! asean cup!

Plus 44

2007-01-31T20:06:00.000+08:00

i swear, i have seen the deepest and most meaningful lyrics in my life (to my perspective), in almost every single song of Plus 44's album. my goodness, they deviated and are so much more different to blink. they rock.

Baby Come On - Plus 44

She's such a pretty girl
She's always falling down*
I think I just fell in love with her
But she will never remember, member

And I can always find her
At the bottom of a plastic cup
Drowning in drunk's insanity
A sad and lonely girl

Quit crying your eyes out
Quit crying your eyes out
Baby, come on
Is there something familiar about me
The past is only the future with the lights on
Quit crying your eyes out, baby

She said:
I think we're running out of alcohol
Tonight, I hate this fu*king town
And all my best friends will be the death for me
'Cause they will never remember, 'member

So please take me far away
Before I'm melted to the ground
And all my words get used against me

Quit crying your eyes out
Quit crying your eyes out
Baby, come on
Is there something familiar about me?
The past is only the future with the lights on
Quit crying your eyes out, baby

Quit crying your eyes out
Quit crying your eyes out
Baby, come on
Is there something familiar about me?
The past is only the future with the lights on
Quit crying your eyes out
Is there something familiar about me?
Quit crying your eyes out
The past is only the future with the lights on
Quit crying your eyes out, baby

* "shes always falling down"<--- somehow that kinda reminds me of a particular incident that happened today HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

THIS JUST IN.

2007-01-29T22:22:00.000+08:00

okay i got further details on the 3rd feb gig.

its at dover ite, starts at 4 PM. there will be 5 bands in total performing, we have a minimum amount of 15 tickets to sell, at $8 each, if there is more people who want to buy, its no problem at all. SO PLEASE COME SUPPORT ASHDOWN AT DOVER ITE THIS UPCOMING SAT!!! PLEASE BUY MANYMANY TICKETS! THANK YOU!!!

your love song

2007-01-28T20:57:00.000+08:00

Don't leave me all alone
Just drop me off at home
I'll be fine it's not the first
Just like last time but a little worse

She said that I'm not the one that she thinks about and
She said it stopped being fun
I just bring her down
I said, "don't let your future be destroyed by my past"
She said, "don't let my door hit your ass"

One more chance
I'll try this time
I'll give you yours
I won't take mine
I'll listen up, pretend to care
Go on ahead, I'll meet you there

Let's try this one more time with feeling
One more time with feeling
One more time with feeling
One more time with feeling

Don't leave me all alone
Just drop me off at home and I'll be fine

Don't Leave Me - Blink 182

HAHAHAHAHA this song really says something, cracks me up all the time!

crowd killer

2007-01-27T22:57:00.000+08:00

jamming today was really really ownage and fruitful. jammed at the NEWLY OPENED ROOM at the paradiz jamming studio today! the nice auntie told me that i was the very first drummer to touch the brand new drums, i took away the virginity of a brand new drumset that cost 4K! (the auntie told me the cost too.) HEH HEH HEH. it felt great being the first to mark the toms with the scars of my drumsticks.

we now have our ultimate crowd killer secret weapon song ready to be used, heh heh heh heh. this song will blow everyone away i know it. anyway joey received a call from the 3rd feb guy to re-confirm that we are in the gig, and will be selling tickets on monday onwards. i will be selling tickets on monday onwards! please come support! tickets selling at $8! (but please come support Ashdown more at the gas haus gig, heh heh.) The plug in baby we did rocked out loud man, it really made me go crazy on the drums, good job today Ashdown! i think we are going to do well in the upcoming gigs! okay thats all dont feel like blogging much today, night!

I LOVE THIS MAD RUSH

2007-01-26T20:10:00.000+08:00

okayokay here is exactly what happened that made everyone in Ashdown so panicky. yesterday night as we were having a group conversation to talk about the upcoming gigs and events and discussing about songs and song lists, joey suddenly received information 10 PM AT NIGHT that we were supposed to go for auditioning for the 3rd feb gig (which we all thought they didnt want to call us anymore.) and that the auditions was today at 1 PM. we were like OMGOODNESS WHAT KIND OF LOUSY ORGANIZER INFORMS OF AUDITIONS LESS THAN 12 HOURS BEFORE IT HAPPENS. but thank goodness in the end we all could make it.

the auditions went great! i screwed up a little on the drumming for the adventure, but other than that i think we blew the auditors away ;) . and yeah we rocked today, WE GOT THROUGH THE AUDITIONS!!! TIME TO TRAIN DOUBLY HARD, for ITS JUST THE NEXT SATURDAY! if im not wrong out of fifteen bands, they are only taking in 2 bands to perform with them, and we are one out of the two out of so many! THIS ROCKS!!!! WOOOOOOO!!!!!

Ashdown shall become famous and all our dreams will be realized! 3rd feb, 3rd march, NUS beach party@Sentosa (date unconfirmed), 25th march, and much much more to come.
Here we go, life's waiting to begin!

and thank you so so much, because through you i spurred on even harder and further, i owe you an apology, and anything you would wish for, for the cold treatment that i killed myself to dish out. but it was due to the utmost of necessities of pursuing my passion, it can only work for me this way, im sorry my purposeful pain had to inflict you as well. in any case im glad it has finally ended.i owe you one.

WOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

2007-01-25T22:04:00.000+08:00

IT PAYS OFF IT PAYS OFF IT REALLY PAYS OFF! SHERYL TALKED TO ME ON MSN AND ASKED IF ASHDOWN WOULD BE INTERESTED TO PERFORM FOR NUS BEACH PARTY!!!! ORGANIZER EXPECTING OUR CALL ALREADY!!! WOOOHOOOOOOOO I CANT BELIEVE IT, FIRST GAS HAUS, NEXT SENTOSA!!! OHMAN IM FREAKING HAPPY AND EXCITED, THIS ROCKS!!! SENTOSA HERE WE COME!!!!

SHERYL I OWE YOU A BIG TREAT! I PROMISE! THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH MUACKS I LUB EUU DIP DIP!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

soon.

2007-01-25T21:12:00.000+08:00

hurry up and arrive weekends, i need to pay my drumming debts, i need to release my focus, i need to perform under pressure, under self inflicted animosity. i need the payment through pain.

note; the self-sardonic masochist:- corruption was a bad side effect, despite vast improvements in performance.

head banging

2007-01-24T20:34:00.000+08:00

my legs are cramped, i have jamming but i also have 2.4 pe on fri. how the heck am i supposed to step on the base pedal well with the kind of sore legs im in! and i dont know why but playing the rockshow was extremely tiring for me, its either its really very tiring or the recent pe lessons is taking a toll on my body. okay i think im going to not run for pe for now, next time then run well.

joey send me 'the war'! i dont have it, i'll start learning it tonight or tmrw. oh yeah, you really brought the house down yesterday late at night, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. ownage gg no rr sia.

uh-oh it seems that i'm not the only one.

WOOHOOO!!!

2007-01-22T21:09:00.000+08:00

joey just called me to confirm that WE HAVE ANOTHER GIG ON THE 3rd OF MARCH!!!! THIS IS SO SWEET MAN WOOOOO IM SO HAPPY AND EXCITED. dont have much details about it yet, just that Ashdown is on the list on soft.com.sg and it will be held at GAS HAUS! THIS ROCKS! THE MUSIC PLAYING ON MY ITUNES ROCKS TOO BECAUSE ITS CALLED THE ROCKSHOW. this song is a SURE CROWD WINNER IM SO GONNA PERFECT IT 3RD MARCH GAS HAUS HERE WE COME!

/EDIT
okay this just in, here's our competition for the gig in gas haus:

KEVINSHAEL (Funk Rock)

BLIZZARD (Power Metal)

ASHDOWN (Alternative/Punk)

NEVER ENDING PROBLEMS (Post-Hardcore/Alternative Rock)

PINK STEEL (Hardrock/Alternative)

THE CRESCENT (Emo/Punk)

CIGARETTE SEX (Rock)

ORION (Thrash Metal)

SQRATCH (Modern Rock)

PSYCHOTHERAPY (Heavy Metal)

wish us (Ashdown) luck! joey did his research very well!

Hint?

2007-01-21T15:48:00.000+08:00

Change, everything you are
And everything you were
Your number has been called

Fights and battles have begun
Revenge will surely come
Your hard times are ahead

Best, you've got to be the best
You've got to change the world
And use this chance to be heard
Your time is now

Change everything you are
And everything you were
Your number has been called

Fights and battles have begun
Revenge will surely come
Your hard times are ahead

Best, you've got to be the best
You've got to change the world
And use this chance to be heard
Your time is now

Don’t let yourself down
And don’t let yourself go
Your last chance has arrived

Best, you've got to be the best
You've got to change the world
And use this chance to be heard
Your time is now.

Butterflies & Hurricanes - Muse

Ashdown

2007-01-20T22:54:00.000+08:00

nothing beats the feeling of the satisfaction in getting a job well done (or at least better than the last time). once again jammed at the paradiz studio today, my drumming i felt was much better, did the two new songs i feel so and no it isn't pretty darn well. heh heh. im so so so relieved and happy now, didnt screw up on my first date snare/tom roll too. this time jammed with joey, christopher, and melvin! really glad melvin could join us, his vocals is really good! can still remember the time he performed boulevard for the PHS carnival 2005, wah ownage sia. hahaha.

we did alot of songs today and all of them went pretty well, surprisingly, the best covers we did, i did not fully know the exact drum beats and had to improvise. that makes me even happier cuz at least my improvision works out! woohoo! 3 top songs of the day: The Adventure, Down, and First Date. 'no it isn't' is still pretty raw, but im sure we can master it well after some more practices. goes to show that hard work pays off! have been tabbing and listening and practicing my drums much more the past week after the lousy drumming in the past session.

now im going to work hard for the gig on 3rd feb, and the compy on 10th. trust me i will. hope i can get the recordings for our covers on joey's vid cam soon.. i want to see if i need to brush up on my showmanship too. next week will be doing Rockshow by Blink 182, When Your Heart Stops Beating by Plus 44, and Plug In Baby by Muse. going to work extra hard! woohoo! i love doing what i love and working hard at it.

My Band is called Ashdown. It has been decided, and will be so.

can't you see? finally, finally we are making headway! the time is now the fleeting opportunity has came and halted for the microsecond it is here we have to grab it and never let go. This is not leisure this is not playtime this is not a means to be cool THIS IS A PASSION THAT WILL BURN OUT IF IT IS NOT REKINDLED. this may be the breakthrough that will lead to the chain of events that will change everything, make everything.

whose dreams are finally being realized.

ADVERTISTEMENT

2007-01-19T22:28:00.000+08:00

DEAR ALL!

Me and my band will be having a gig on the 3RD of FEBRUARY! It will be hosted at DOVER ITE, and many bands will be participating! Genres include nearly all forms of rock, and my band will probably be playing punk, alternative, and progressive rock pieces! I have approximately 10 tickets to sell! One ticket costs 8 bucks only! cheap cheap!
SO if any of you can make it and don't mind supporting me and my band, PLEASE PURCHASE TICKETS FROM ME!

THANK YOU!

(this is prior to the rock competition on 10th feb, it is not the same event. I'll advertise on that one the next time!)

2007-01-18T22:50:00.000+08:00

The Adventure

I wanna have the same last dream again
The one where I wake up and I'm alive
Just as the four walls close me within
My eyes are opened up with pure sunlight
I'm the first to know
My dearest friends
Even if your hope has burned with time
Anything that is dead shall be re-grown
And your vicious pain, your warning sign
You will be fine

Hey oh here I am
And here we go
Life’s waiting to begin

Any type of love it will be shown
Like every single tree reach for the sky
If you're gonna fall
I'll let you know
That i will pick you up
Like you for i
I felt this thing
I can't replace
When everyone was working for this goal
Where all the children left without a trace
Only to come back as pure as gold
To recite this all

Hey oh here I am
And here we go
Life’s waiting to begin
Tonight
Hey oh here I am
And here we go
Life’s waiting to begin
Tonight
Hey oh here I am
And here we go
Life’s waiting to begin

I can not live
I can’t breathe
Unless you do this with me
I can not live
I can’t breathe
Unless you do this with me
I can not live
I can’t breathe
Unless you do this with me
I can not live
I can’t breathe
Unless you do this with me
I can not live
I can’t breathe
Unless you do this with me
I can not live
I can’t breathe
Unless you do this with me

Hey oh, here I am (do this with me)
Here we go
Life's waiting to begin (do this with me)
Hey oh, here I am (do this with me)
Here we go
Life's waiting to begin
Life's waiting to begin


- Angels And Airwaves

FOOOOOO!

2007-01-15T20:15:00.000+08:00

my hair got caught again today, leow says that its my overall image, not that my hair is long, its just that i am unlucky enough to give a bad image of someone who is rebellious and what not. what am i supposed to do go for plastic surgery? was slapped with corrective work order miss ng seemed rather happy and gloaty about it dont know why. buttttt so be it then, i didnt go for CWO though, coming late tmrw so that i wont have to go for the dang spotcheck. wah tmrw 4 periods of econs.. FOOOOOO! its been pretty long since i went out with DA GANG, and SB people too, sorry i didnt make it for bball last sat! junaidy's back from aussie and i havent got to see him yet, sorry!!!

hmm today other than being caught and paying utmost full attention at lorraine lee's lessons (OMGOODNESS SHE'S 999999 TIMES MORE HOT WITH A SEXY SORE THROAT HAHAHAHA), i tried to tab out 'i feel so' on a piece of foolscap, just kept playing and replaying the song until i got most of it down, not that i need the tab, but the process of tabbing helps me remember what to hit very well. so its a good thing! hopefully i can get it done by wed or thur then move on to 'no it isn't'. found out it wasnt easy tabbing too! so to all the tabbers at mxtabs, we all owe you big time! (damned lawsuit.) oh sat around with lizard and some of my ogms sheryl and her friend abby and derek as well, skipped gp test and just sat at the canteen talking. freak sia, i think the sheryl's biceps like abit bigger than mine, i feel so inferior. if she trashes me at basketball as well i think im gonna quit bball already. NOT BAD SIA SHE LIKES AND PLAYS DRUMS AS WELL, walao eh like bball and like drums just like me! told her that i would teach her drums, at $50 per hour, HAHAHA. spore has very little female drummers tho, thats a fact. i hope all my ogms stay after first 3 months! FOOOO! WAHLAO THAT REMINDS ME. the ogms of og12 gave fiona and stephanie GIANT CARDS WITH mANY LITTLE NOTES OF THANK YoUS ON THEM EACH LA! 2 GIANT CARDS! WALAO NOT FAIR I ALSO WANT. saw fiona toting the gigantomungus card around and gloating HAHAHAHA OG7 I HOPE YOURE READING THIS!

today was kinda fun!

sua! donk care already, sorry! FOOOOO

vent

2007-01-14T23:52:00.000+08:00

f*ck everyone and everything.
f*ck your mothers and your fathers.
f*ck your pet, f*ck your cartoon characters.
f*ck you.

-joey

first time i actually felt the emotion jump out at me just from a paragraph of words, i think joey is going to be a very good songwriter.

cheese bun sia.

2007-01-14T21:48:00.000+08:00

dunno what went wrong today but i felt that my drumming kinda sucked. went jamming at the studio at paradiz with joey and chris, did blink, boxcar and AVA songs and save 'down' and 'i miss you', my drumming for the rest of the songs i felt was all screwy. I DONT KNOW WHY. sheeeeeeeet. it wasnt like this when i was playing the drums just very recently (in the band room), dunno why today liddat. aiyah sua la, i will just say my piece for this post and practice MUCH HARDER this week. firstly i wasnt able to play the toms correctly for 'the adventure', THEN when i played 'there is' my double stroking/marching snare part sounded like a horse galloping, the most irritating thing is when i played first date, I KEPT SCREWING UP THE INTRO TOM/SNARE ROLL, WHAT THE HECK, IVE PRACTICALLY MASTERED THAT SONG ALREADY WHEN I WAS SEC4. i feel like poop. even if i expect alot from myself in this aspect i really really never thought my standard could drop so much so suddenly tonight. lets hope its just a bad day and not something thats gonna stick with me when i go gigging. IM SO SO SORRY JOEY AND CHRIS, something is wrong today, left hand was fed up with right hand always hitting all the cymbals and being the master arm and decided to go on strike while right foot didnt like the way right calf was always pushing him down and thus decided to push back up and screw up the bass work as well.

FREAKKK.

im going to be the best there ever was.

WA LAO EHHHH

2007-01-12T22:53:00.000+08:00

WHY WHY WHY WHY MY HAIR KEEP KENA CAUGHT. HHAHAHAHAHA i love it. one month cut hair 3 times is ownage. the auntie also say "EH? NI YOU HUI LAI LE!" HAHAHAHHA !@#@%@$. OH MISS KON ROCKS AND LORRAINE LEE ROCKS x 999999, I THINK SHES HOT. shes the type that loves to be in control and likes to rule with an iron fist and maybe shows hints of masochism HEEHEEHEE. the fiercer she gets the hotter she gets too HOHOHOHO. if i sound weird tonight please BLAME THE BAILEY'S IRISH CREAM. MANAGED to learn "there is" by boxcar and is now trying to hear out the drums for "the adventure" by AVA. putting "i feel so" on hold until next time ITS NOT EASY TRYING TO LEARN SONGS BY TRAViS BARKER by 2 or 3 days. speaking of drums i touched quite abit this week. both at guitar room and band room. THANKS JEAN AND SAMANTHA! thanks for knowing that ill do almost anything to be able to touch some drums. if i make it big i owe you guys too. crush those who are trying to crush our dreams. this week celebrated favian lou bdae that si gay one year with him like know him 10 years liddat (you still owe me ff12 ah). laughed alot with everyone everywhere first week of proper school met with teachers new and old, transitions and adaptations blabla. JAMMING ON SUNDAY, highlight of the week, though i do it almost everyweek anyway. the thing is, when im on the drum throne behind the set, this power and excitement and strength comes out of nowhere and i am a different person. people getting amazed and awed when i play is a side perk that i welcome with open arms too, heh heh. because, THIS IS THE ONE THING THAT I EVER DID IN MY WHOLE LIFE, that i actually am truly proud of, that i have no shame boasting about, it is my passion and ill play till my blisters burst and fingers bleed and ill still be playing i love drums to bits.

am i digressing?

anyway this week was pretty eventful, made new friends ogms and ogls alike! pretty cool that the hook-ers ogls sometimes sit together during break now. heh heh. HEY RHYSS! WHERE'S YOUR OG AH? HAHAHAHAHA

and i'll let you torment me for your weakness is my pleasure.